IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
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In my view, enacting a law to make corporations refuse job seekers because of their age would
could
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apply
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be a partial improvement with more benefits and some downsides. The advantages of monitoring applicants’ age would be greater than
its
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their
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 disadvantages to my mind. First and foremost, youngsters could receive more support to make a living and start a family as they would have more chances of getting employed.
This
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 would bring them a guaranteed monthly salary, enabling them to live a normal life with less concern and worries.
Furthermore
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, companies could use the fresh energy of
young
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the young
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work forces
Correct your spelling
workforces
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 to maximize their performance and increase their income.
This
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 may
also
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 allow employees to discover their talents and unleash their
potentials
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potential
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, which in some cases may lead to unexpected success in their working field.
However
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, some negative points may
be resulted
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result
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 from having
such
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law
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a law
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 in society. I think the most important one would be that businesses may not have the leverage of older
workers
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workers'
worker's
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 experience in their challenge of competing with other companies in today’s market as it can guide them through their path of reaching higher levels efficiently, giving them more insight to make correct decisions along the way. In conclusion, in my opinion, it would be a good idea to have age limits in certain
business
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businesses
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except
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except for
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 those kinds of work
which
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in which
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 having an experienced person can be a great help. If companies invest in having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better human
resource
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resources
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, they can walk the ladder of success more easily.
Submitted by itman852 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the topic and provides clear examples and reasoning to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but pay attention to the development of ideas within paragraphs and the relationship between different parts of the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
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