IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
In my view, enacting a law to make corporations refuse job seekers because of their age would
could
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
be a partial improvement with more benefits and some downsides. The advantages of monitoring applicants’ age would be greater than
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 disadvantages to my mind. First and foremost, youngsters could receive more support to make a living and start a family as they would have more chances of getting employed.
This
 would bring them a guaranteed monthly salary, enabling them to live a normal life with less concern and worries.
Furthermore
, companies could use the fresh energy of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
work forces
Correct your spelling
workforces
show examples
 to maximize their performance and increase their income.
This
 may
also
 allow employees to discover their talents and unleash their
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
, which in some cases may lead to unexpected success in their working field.
However
, some negative points may
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 from having
such
law
Correct article usage
a law
show examples
 in society. I think the most important one would be that businesses may not have the leverage of older
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 experience in their challenge of competing with other companies in today’s market as it can guide them through their path of reaching higher levels efficiently, giving them more insight to make correct decisions along the way. In conclusion, in my opinion, it would be a good idea to have age limits in certain
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
except
Add the preposition
except for
show examples
 those kinds of work
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 having an experienced person can be a great help. If companies invest in having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
, they can walk the ladder of success more easily.
Submitted by itman852 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the topic and provides clear examples and reasoning to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but pay attention to the development of ideas within paragraphs and the relationship between different parts of the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: