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Band 4

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #work #life #pity #values #materialism
people
Suggestion
People
 work hard to make their life easier and to make it way better than the lives their parents had.
in
Suggestion
In
oder
(often plural) a command given by a superior (e.g., a military or law enforcement officer) that must be obeyed
order
Order
 to make
live
Suggestion
life
 easier they have to work harder
,
Accept space
,
 earn money and buy the materials they need
.
Accept space
.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
 nowadays
its
it is
it's
 not that easy to get a better job
.
Accept space
.
sometimes
Suggestion
Sometimes
 people have to leave their families to get a better job
.
Accept space
.
as
Suggestion
As
 an example
,
Accept space
,
 people who
live
go away from a place
leave
 rural
eareas
a particular geographical region of indefinite boundary (usually serving some special purpose or distinguished by its people or culture or geography)
areas
e areas
area
area's
,
Accept space
,
 they have to move to urban areas
.
Accept space
.
once
Suggestion
Once
 they leave their families they do not get a chance to return home and see their families again
.
Accept space
.
maybe
Suggestion
Maybe
 they
be
Suggestion
are
are being
 busy with their jobs and do not spend enough time with families
.
Accept space
.
that
Suggestion
That
 way
this
 problem cause to ruin family lives and stop sharing love with each other
.
Accept space
.
 Most of us would love to do our daily works with machine
,
Accept space
,
 materials
.
Accept space
.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
 we can save time too
.
Accept space
.
yes that
Accept comma addition
Yes, that
Yes that
 is a good thing happened to human
lives but
Accept comma addition
lives, but
 there is a drawback
too which
Accept comma addition
too, which
 is we do not know what our old generations did to keep our traditional ways or cultures because all of these materials
.
Accept space
.
 As an
example there
Accept comma addition
example, there
 are some foods which our old generations made by hand
.
Accept space
.
 They used no machines
.
Accept space
.
but
Suggestion
But
 nowadays people might not know how they did them because we always use machines and materials to prepare our foods
.
Accept space
.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
 that way our
traditionals
an inherited pattern of thought or action
traditions
 will no longer exist
.
Accept space
.
because
Suggestion
Because
 of buying these stuffs
,
Accept space
,
 we might have health issues too
.
Accept space
.
because
Suggestion
Because
 we do not use our bodies to do anything we do all by machines
.
Accept space
.
as
Suggestion
As
 an
example calories
Suggestion
example, calories
example calorie
example calorie calorie
do not burn
Suggestion
does not burn
becase
for the reason that; on account of
because
 we use machines.
nowadays
Suggestion
Nowadays
 people go to
gym
Suggestion
the gym
a gym
 just to burn calories
,
Accept space
,
 but if we look up to our history our old
genorations
all the people living at the same time or of approximately the same age
generations
generation
 never used a gym because they had healthy lives already.
Submitted by Cezzane Ferdnz on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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