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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The number of people who are overweight or obese is far higher than in previous generation. What are the reasons for this, and How this problem be tackled?

#people #generation
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With growing modernisation in restaurant, pubs, bars, fast food, trucks and other food chains, there is rising problem of obesity. There are increasing number of obese people with each passing day. Too much fat is vulnerable
for
Suggestion
to
 health yet they eat
whole lot
Suggestion
a whole lot
the whole lot
.
Such
Linking Words
 practises can
resolved
Suggestion
resolve
 with
correct steps
Suggestion
the correct steps
 in
rder
(often plural) a command given by a superior (e.g., a military or law enforcement officer) that must be obeyed
order
 to overcome crises. Particularly, speaking in developed nation around the world. They have plenty of resources. Due to which they can produce as vast and rapid rate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
advancement
Suggestion
the advancement
 of technology and machine has
also
Linking Words
 played a major role. People are getting fat because they sit eight hours a day. Without doing any full body movement.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they burnt less calories in
compare
Suggestion
comparing
 to that of
generation
Suggestion
the generation
generations
a generation
 before them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they do not follow
healthy diet
Suggestion
a healthy diet
healthy diets
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, they eat unhealthy fat food with
lot
Suggestion
a lot
lots
 of calories. So, not only they are
lazy but
Accept comma addition
lazy, but
also
Linking Words
 have a bad habit of consuming. There are
other
Suggestion
also other major
also
Linking Words
 major causes which lead us to
such
Linking Words
 poor dieting habits of
vast majority
Suggestion
a vast majority
the vast majority
. Undoubtedly, we are facing
issue
Suggestion
issues
 of inadequate eating,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be resolved by government spreading awareness.
This
Linking Words
 way people will learn about
nutritional value
Suggestion
the nutritional value
 and their benefits.
Also
Linking Words
, media and news should market healthy routine. By awakening more
crowd we
Accept comma addition
crowd, we
 can definitely can see good results. To mitigate, one should adapt healthy culture of leaving by consumption of
nutritional
Suggestion
nutritious
 fruits and vegetable which is good for
long and happy living
Suggestion
a long and happy living
.
Submitted by Shreya on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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