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Writing Samples
Band 5

Schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of modren working world.

#schools #subjects #students #demands #modren #world
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It is undeniable that education has become an indispensable weapon in order for students to keep up with the fast pace of changes associating with technology for the
last
Linking Words
 few decades. Presently, schools as well as institutions put too much emphasis on the old conventional subjects, which
are not adequately prepare
Suggestion
are not adequately preparing
have not adequately prepared
 students for realistic demands of
modern working world
Suggestion
the modern working world
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and here are some of my viewpoints will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay to address
this
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 given statement. It is widely acknowledged that students are likely to have
different life
Suggestion
a different life
 and discrepant
knowledge
Use synonyms
 or experience.
However
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, traditional
subjects providing
Accept comma addition
subjects, providing
 students educational foundation to apply in some certain situations. Take literature in Vietnam as an example, students are bound to be forced to meet
teacher’s requirements
Suggestion
the teacher’s requirements
 scale and follow
outdated curriculum
Suggestion
an outdated curriculum
 published
for
Suggestion
in
from
long time
Suggestion
a long time
 ago so they may gain
unvaluable
having incalculable monetary, intellectual, or spiritual worth
invaluable
knowledge
Use synonyms
 for their future career. It is advisable that education should go
further
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 than it currently does. Not only does it well prepare for student’s
knowledge
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
 but
also
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optimizie
make optimal; get the most out of; use best
optimize
optimise
optimized
 their own personal thinking in lieu of focusing excessively on learning basic thesis.
Secondly
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, traditional curriculum should be publicized at all
schools but
Accept comma addition
schools, but
 need to be less academic-based subjects and optional. Changing the way to reach core
knowledge
Use synonyms
 foundation and educational lessons by learning via internet or technological platforms for several up-to-date subjects
such
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 as time
managment
the act of managing something
management
 skills, collaborating skills and so on.
Thus
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,
Accept space
,
 students will be more independent and confident for realistic demands of
modern working world
Suggestion
the modern working world
. In conclusion, well-balanced
knowledge
Use synonyms
 base in schools should be put into consideration as a top
prority
status established in order of importance or urgency
priority
 with the aim to prepare students for careers far more significant than concentrating on traditional subjects.
Submitted by Toan Thai Thanh on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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