IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

#companies #sports #facilities #communities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that it has to be enterprises who supply local dwellers with facilities related to physical exercises and socializing. I concur with the notion up to a point, for, in my view,
government
Use synonyms
 has to provide them, in spite of the fact that companies are financially capable of
this
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
, whilst the purpose of companies is to earn as much money as possible, authorities are destined for assisting local communities and refining living standards.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, that
government
Use synonyms
 is suitable for
this
Linking Words
, on account of the initial,
possibly
Suggestion
possible
 adverse  motivations of the businesses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not only can enterprises in pursuit of income be genuinely indifferent towards people, but they can
also
Linking Words
 reap the benefit of possessing
such
Linking Words
 facilities, in terms of advertising their privatized services
by
Suggestion
with
from
 them. To illustrate
,
Accept space
,
whereas a Ukrainian sports brand New Lease Of Life was private, it resorted to only
increasing
Suggestion
increase
 their prices without investments
into
Suggestion
in
  development
,
Accept space
,
 yet as soon as it was nationalized, it  became fraught with cutting-edge equipment to cater to people. Having said that, by and large, due to the financial backup large scale companies tend to boast, they can serve as auspicious suppliers of sports and social facilities. More precisely, they possess the capacity of supporting more people, as opposed to
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
, especially taking into consideration their latest superiority over other systems like
government
Use synonyms
. The annual budget of Tesla,
for instance
Linking Words
, is 7 times the yearly revenue of the US
government
Use synonyms
. To conclude, I am strongly convinced that,
although
Linking Words
 companies indeed boast financial advantages
,
Accept space
,
 they don't have to assist local communities with
such
Linking Words
 facilities, since governments are more appropriate for
this
Linking Words
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by Alice on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: