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Band 4.5

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

#purpose #businesses #money
Since the dawn of globalization, market is widely open for everyone to enter the
business
 world. It is sometimes argued that the main motivation for starting a
business
 is only money, and
people
Suggestion
the people
 shall only stick with it.
However
, I disagree with
such
 claim because I think that
innovation
 and people are the key ingredients of successful enterprise.
To begin
, even money is important, but
innovation
 is the king. In
modern era
Suggestion
the modern era
, businesses are driven by the ability to solve a new problem. Google,
for example
, has a large capital, which successfully hires the best engineers and builds the modern infrastructures, but its social networking product, Google+, is
failed
Suggestion
failing
 to attract general audiences.
This
 is probably because Google lacks of attention on the
innovation
 side of its social media; it tends to imitate what already existed out there.
Moreover
,
business
 shall
also
 focus on upgrading its people. Because of the constant changes,
this
 seems inevitable that the ability of each individual in the company will bring the
business
in
Suggestion
to
 the
next
 level. According to Harvard
Business
 Reviews,
business
 ventures which invested their fund on their employee’s knowledge tend to be succeeding
on
Suggestion
in
 achieving the venture’s objective and winning the global market.
In addition
, some corporation which
is only focus
Suggestion
is only focused
only focuses
 on maximizing income and ignores their workers’ skills will be
departed
Suggestion
deported
departing
 from global competition. It is clear,
therefore
, that the continuous changes demand
collaboration
Suggestion
the collaboration
 of knowledgeable and creative people. The aforementioned argument
revels
make visible
reveals
 that
although
 money is crucial for
business
, the other factors,
such
 as
innovation
 and people, cannot be disregarded.
Submitted by Đinh Minh Thành on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial sustainability
  • Profit margin
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Stakeholder
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Ethical business practices
  • Customer retention
  • Brand loyalty
  • Workforce morale
  • Innovation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Competitive edge
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