IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computer are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The technological
Correct article usage
Technological
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 devices are popular in
classrooms
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 in today's world. Few argue that
this
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 inclusion will result in damaging effects, whilst others claim that it is a positive one. In
this
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 essay
Rephrase
apply
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further
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, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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statements will be discussed and
then
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 the conclusion will be drawn. Allowing laptops and computers in the
classrooms
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,
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 enhances the student's abilities to learn better. If a teacher provides information to the
students
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, there is a possibility that they may forget soon, but
on the other hand
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,
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students driven
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student-driven
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 research will enable
students
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 to contain
understanding
Add an article
the understanding
an understanding
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 of a topic for a longer duration.
A research
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Research
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 conducted by the IB organization in the UK,
for instance
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, has proved that the school
students
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 who are taught in modern
classrooms
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 are way ahead in intelligence when compared to their counterparts who learn in traditional environments.
On the contrary
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, children who are independently learning on their own without much technology involved
,
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 will rely on their own intelligence, meaning that,
now-a-days
Correct the word
nowadays
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students
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 have become dependent on search engines and calculators for simple information and easy calculations respectively. A survey has revealed that 8 out of 10
students
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 who possess smart gadgets perform simple calculations on the devices rather than using their brains.
To conclude
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,
although
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 people are becoming technology slaves, advanced technology is unavoidable.
The smart
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Smart
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, modern
classrooms
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 are going to evolve in all
the
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apply
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parts of the world since they offer varied advantages for learners to update
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
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. Though the users are relying too much
for
Change preposition
on
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 small tasks, sessions to train the mind can be conducted to overcome
this
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 issue.
Therefore
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, looking at the bright future of devices in the classroom, one should adapt and embrace the promising features of
the
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apply
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computers in schools.

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Task Achievement
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more engaging and clearly state the author's opinion. In addition, the essay should address both views in more depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is decent, but it lacks a more coherent connection and flow between the paragraphs. Each paragraph should be better linked to the previous and subsequent ones.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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