Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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Introduction

this

Linking Words

era, the improvement in gender equality has encouraged many organizations to recruit a similar number of men and women workers.

However

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, I believe that it is better for a company to adjust its workforce composition according to its business plans, while I would argue that the trend has more positive effects than negative.

Body paragraph 1

Admittedly, adopting the policy of employing number of men and women indicates that many workplaces high value on sexual equality.

This

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means that both males and females grant identical opportunities to pursue their desired positions and careers.

For example

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, based on my experience current appointment that my association has ratio 40:60 for males and females worked.

Moreover

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, females must understand what position they are like environment family. If they have children already, mother should be more extra working to balance his activities.

Body paragraph 2

In addition

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, when people apply for a career, they should be picky for their community and depends on what career they are applying.

This

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will

also

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reduce sexual harassment at workplaces as it brings a sense of safety among workers. Many

association

Suggestion

associations

have more females than males,

for instance

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, in industrial, cosmetic, women more in tents manly than men, because they know everything about the products.

Moreover

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, they use it every day and like to see many different trends for their lifestyle.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the trend of hiring an equal number of males and females is definitely a positive development because it will help to build much stronger society and community by proving more opportunities for the right candidate for the right job

Hengki Harianto

Jul 1, 2020

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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