It is better for children if the whole families ( e.g aunts , uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children’s upbringing , rather than their fathers and mothers only . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

5.5 / 9

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Introduction

Studies have shown that children who are raised in a joint family have intellectual skills. Whilst some parents opine that the involvement of the grandparents and other members of the immediate family has advantageous effects on children, others condemn

this

Linking Words

point of view. I,

therefore

Linking Words

, agree with

given statement

Suggestion

a given statement

the given statement

that upbringing offsprings in an extended family

Suggestion

are

beneficial for all round the development of children. In the following lines, a thorough presentation of my perspective with both contradicted views will be discussed in detail.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

Linking Words

with, the prime reason that children should be raised in a joint family is that children acquire knowledge and invaluable information. When children are raised in an extended family, it helps them to stay connected to their roots, absorb conventions and codes of conduct from their grandparents.

This

Linking Words

can be witnessed in rural areas where all family members live with each other.

juveniles

Suggestion

Juveniles

would be aware of their norms and culture when grandparents narrate folklore related to their family history and family tree.

Thus

Linking Words

, not only does an extended family plays a crucial role in a grandchild’s

life but

Accept comma addition

life, but

also

Linking Words

conveys norms and traditions.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

, nurturing children in an immediate family has a plethora of demerits, especially when parents work harder to meet their children’s needs and pamper them.

In other words

Linking Words

, in many countries, the dual- income family is the norm at the present time, and

thus

Linking Words

it is inevitable that children that cannot spend all their time with family.

For instance

Linking Words

, a recent survey by Cairo University found that children who are brought up in an immediate family have a tendency to fall victim to crimes

such

Linking Words

as abduction, or coming under the influence of negative peer pressure.

This

Linking Words

shows how living in an immediate deteriorate the future generations, and children would encounter many problems

such

Linking Words

as truancy and delinquency later on.

Conclusion

To conclude, having explained my stance above, it can be reiterated that living in an extended family

is invari

Suggestion

invariably

able superior to an immediate family

Fatima Ahmad

Jul 1, 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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It is better for children if the whole families ( e.g aunts , uncles and grandparents ) are involved in the children’s upbringing , rather than their fathers and mothers only . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cell phone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Some think that parents reading books for entertainment to their children is a waste of time and they should only read them serious educational books. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

1. Schools should teach financial management. Do you agree? (Revised to Opinion structure)