Some people think that in this modern world people are getting dependent on each other, while others think the modern world gets people more independent on each other . Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world

While the globe

are going

Suggestion

is going

modernization

Suggestion

modernize

, many people may argue

this

makes people dependent

Accept space

contrast some

Accept comma addition

contrast, some

others think

it is

it's

cause people live independently

;

Accept space

;

however

, I believe nowadays we rely on ourselves more. In the

first

place, the progress of technology in recent years causes the world changes and moves to modernity. I opine

this

is a

further

significant factor which turns people independent. By expanding technology the life style is changed,

for instance

many educational resources and applications are available on internet now and students can use them to improve their studying without a teacher,

besides

the job’s positions in developed cities encourage youths to leave their hometown and parents they move to these cities to have an independent life. In some

cases they

Accept comma addition

cases, they

also

decide to study abroad, I

also

believe

this

independency

freedom from control or influence of another or others

independence

Independence

is being seen in

new generation

Suggestion

the new generation

. All of these reasons make people

unreliable more and more

Suggestion

more and more unreliable

. In the

second

place, some people advocate dependency shows itself in

new modern world

Suggestion

a new modern world

the new modern world

more. In their

view many

Accept comma addition

view, many

reasons make them dependent.

For

example today

Accept comma addition

example, today

the expenditure of life

is increased

Suggestion

has been increased, thus

has been increased thus

thus

if young people decide to get married they need their parent’s support with financial matters In conclusion, two different

attitude

Suggestion

attitudes

are about the dependency in contemporary world some others believe we are dependent in comparison with past while others disagree. I believe today people are more independent nowadays.

Submitted by zhale ara on Thu Jul 02 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

235 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that in this modern world people are getting dependent on each other, while others think the modern world gets people more independent on each other . Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opine.

In some countries, owning a home is more important rather than renting one. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed what is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation. Such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both points and express your opinion.

Do you think a museum is to educate or entertain people?