IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while think it is unfair.

#sports #money #people #professions
People have different views about, whether successful sportsmen are fair a
lot
 of
money
 or other professions. While some people believe that successful sportsmen are fair to earn a
lot
 of
money
, I think that there are other professionals are more fair for it. On the one hand, there are some reasons why successful
sport
 professional are fair to make a
lot
 of
money
.
Sport
 professional should earn a great deal of
money
 as some of their careers end when they are 30 or 35 years old.
In addition
, if the government provides
sport
 professional with good salary, they will be Olympic winners in the future or they will build new
sport
 schools in their country for people who are in need.
Moreover
, they can help the development of
sport system
Suggestion
the sport system
. In spite of the argument above, I think, that successful
sport
 professional cannot earn a
lot
 of
money
 rather than other vital ones.
Firstly
, health care and education should be priorities over any government.
Secondly
, there are other professionals who
right
produce a literary work
write
 for a great deal of
money
 like teachers, doctors and the police since they have spent their time as well as
money
 for years on studying and working. By the way, the police work under danger in order to save us and the mother country. In conclusion.
Although
 some people think that successful
sport
 professional are more fire for a
lot
 of
money
, in my view, other ones are right for it.
Submitted by Raziya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: