These days' children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#children #devices #computers #tablet #phones #age #situation

high-tech world

Suggestion

the high-tech world

a high-tech world

the variety of electronic gadgets are available for children in easy way, that they are could be using these devices when they are very young. New generation

compare

Suggestion

compares

with their parent have

big jump

Suggestion

a big jump

big jumps

to accesses technology and data

Suggestion

from

smart devices

Accept space

however

Accept comma addition

However, this

However this

this

phenomenon

have

Suggestion

has

some advantage for

child

Suggestion

the child

children

a child

, overusing of it will surely have some disadvantage. Using gadget like

smart phone

Suggestion

a smart phone

, laptop, tablet and other could be helped children to improve their knowledge. Early age person who live all around the world might be

Suggestion

searching

on the internet or use many

application

Suggestion

applications

which install on the smart phone for

gain

Suggestion

gaining

many

Suggestion

much

information and learn some skills.

For

instance for

Accept comma addition

instance, for

learning foreign languages we have many

kind

Suggestion

kinds

of application which learn children in any age step by step as same as school teachers. These devices would be having some terrible drawbacks contain mentally and physically. If children consume

majority

Suggestion

a majority

the majority

of their life to access smart tools it can be bad effected on their body or lead to some diseases

such

as body deformation.

Moreover children

Accept comma addition

Moreover, children

who dedicate lots of time in

day

Suggestion

the day

a day

to use of smart phone or other devices who do not need to interact with their family or friends. It may even result in depression, aggression or other mental disorder in the long time. To sum up,

although

these days children could have more opportunities for boosting their skills and knowledge that will be introduced better world for

next generation

Suggestion

the next generation

Accept space

they are would be effected with serious damages which are continues for good.

Submitted by maryam salehi on Mon Jul 06 2020

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days' children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries have severe problems with students behavior. what do you this are the cause of this? what solution can you suggest?

These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?