IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

medyada şiddet toplumda şiddeti teşvik eder. Ne derece katılıyorsun

Medyanın toplumdaki şiddeti artırma konusunda büyük
bir
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 gücü vardır. İnsanların basın organları aracılığıyla dinleyicilere iletilen şiddet eylemlerinden kolayca etkilenebilmeleri nedeniyle bu ifadeye tamamen katılıyorum.
Bir
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 yandan, bilgi, iletişim veya eğlence gibi çeşitli amaçlar nedeniyle halkın farklı medya platformlarının kullanımı dramatik
bir
Use synonyms
 şekilde arttığı için medyanın toplum üzerinde büyük etkileri olduğu doğrudur. Ancak, medyada şiddet içeren temaların yayınlanması insanların saldırgan davranmasına neden oluyor. Bunun nedeni insanların çevrelerinde gördükleri şeyleri takip etme eğiliminde olmalarıdır. Bence şiddete reklam veren içeriklerle karşılaşırlarsa, normal ve sanki
bir
Use synonyms
 parçası gibi düşünebilirler. onların hayatı. Örneğin , sokak dövüşçüsü adı verilen
bir
Use synonyms
 çevrimiçi oyun yayınlandıktan sonra, gençler tarafından işlenen suç oranlarının arttığı tespit edilmiştir. Bununla birlikte, bazı insanlar şiddeti medyaya yansıtmanın insanları suç işlemekten caydırabileceğini iddia ediyor. Bu görüşe rağmen, psikologlar, birilerini öldüren veya kavgaya başlayan karakterler filmlerde veya dizilerde kahramanlar olarak gösterildiğinden, bu tür programları izlemenin insanları şiddet göstermeye yönlendirebileceğini söylüyor. Erkan Önler'in çektiği ve ırkçılıkla ilgili popüler
bir
Use synonyms
 film olan kentin kralı, dünya çapında popüler hale geldiğinde, filmin hayranları tarafından başlatılan farklı ülkelerde isyanlar gerçekleşti. Sonuç olarak, medya hayatımızın
bir
Use synonyms
 parçası olduğu için,violence a society. I completely agree with
this
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 statement due to the fact that people may be easily affected by the severity actions which is conveyed to the audience through the press organs. On the one hand
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 It is true that the media have great impacts on society
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 as the use of different media platforms
by
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of
 the people has increased dramatically because of various purposes
such
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 as getting information
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 communication or entertainment
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However
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, the broadcasting of violent themes in the media causes people to act aggressively. The reason behind
this
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 is that people tend to follow the things that they see in their environment.In my opinion, If they come across with contents often which advertise brutality
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 they may think that as if it is normal and ıt is a part of their life.
For example
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 after the publishing of an online game that called street-fighter
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It has been found that the rates of crime committed by youngsters have increased.
However
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, some people claim that reflecting on cruelty in the media can deter people from committing an offence
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 Despite
this
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 opinion, psychologists say that since characters killing someone or starting a fight are shown as heroes in the movies or series
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 watching these
sort
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sorts
 of programmes can direct people to exhibit severe
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 To illustrate
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 when The King of the city
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 a popular film filmed by Erkan Önler and related to racism
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,
 has
became
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become
 popular throughout the world
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 revolts took place in different countries started by fan's of the movie
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 In conclusion
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 as media is a part of our's life
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 people may be influenced from media platforms
such
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 as video games or tv programmes where the actions related to violence are broadcast
.
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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