IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that technology such as mobile phones (cell phones) is destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #phones #cell #interaction
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The number of
people
Use synonyms
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 have their own cell phone
rocket
Add a missing verb
has rocket
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 dramatically in the
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
concern
Add a missing verb
are concern
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 about how widely the
use
Use synonyms
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
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socialization. In my perspective, the overuse of
technology
Use synonyms
 has been harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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among
people
Use synonyms
. Of course that
technology
Use synonyms
 has been useful for
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of fields around the world.
In addition
Linking Words
, the growth in
Use synonyms
use
Add an article
the use
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 of devices
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones was significant
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared to
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 at least ten
years
Use synonyms
.
Rephrase
ago.
show examples
Therefore
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, these devices had
coming
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 up among
people
Use synonyms
 earlier than
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 ago.
For instance
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, it is possible
notice
Add the particle
to notice
show examples
 in public places
such
Linking Words
 as shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
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, many kids with their own cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 on several programs created specially
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children and infants
“have
Fix the infinitive
to “have
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 some fun” alone.
Hence
Linking Words
, apps have been created to reach each specific age and cover all
people
Use synonyms
 who want to stay away from others. Another point to consider is that social media has been contributing
for
Change preposition
to
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social distancing in a silent way.
For example
Linking Words
, these days on birthdays,
people
Use synonyms
 replace an embrace or a phone call
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 text messages and emoji which was created
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to make conversations shorter. Even more, there are distinct virtual cards developed
to sum up
Linking Words
 what to say on special days.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it seems that the
use
Use synonyms
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 has
making
Wrong verb form
made
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people
Use synonyms
 unconsciously stay far from families and friends and sometimes cannot notice that it
happen
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
technology
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 and social media
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to be the
mainly
Change the adverb
main
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 reason to provide a crack on social interaction.
However
Linking Words
, the
further
Linking Words
use
Use synonyms
 of these things and
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
show examples
 lifestyle seems to continue increasing in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Marcia Matheus on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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