IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that the most important things in our life cannot be bought. Do you agree or disagree? Give your answers with examples from your knowledge and experience.

Money
Use synonyms
 is essential to buy the
things
Use synonyms
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we want in our
life
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, many argue that some vital
things
Use synonyms
 are not materialistic and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot be bought. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because some essential
things
Use synonyms
 to lead a human
life
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as health and
happiness
Punctuation problem
happiness,
show examples
 cannot be bought with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 cannot be healthy just with their wealth
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they need to do regular workouts and eat healthy food to be healthy and fit.
In other words
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 can only cure
people
Use synonyms
 from disease, but it cannot guarantee
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-being, unless
people
Use synonyms
 eat healthy food and do regular exercise. Even many wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 struggle to maintain their physical fitness because of their busy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and unhealthy eating.
As a result
Linking Words
, they struggle with many diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes,
blood
Correct word choice
high blood
show examples
 pressure
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they cannot resilient their health just with their
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the recent report of NASSCOM showed that most of the private companies in India offer free gym
membership
Punctuation problem
membership,
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 as many of their highly-paid employees become obese and inactive at the workplace
due to
Linking Words
 the sedentary lifestyle. All the
things
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
’s
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 are not materialistic
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some vital
things
Use synonyms
 like happiness cannot just
bought
Verb problem
be bought
show examples
 with their
pay check
Use the right word
paycheck
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 jobs provide
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 are emotionally connected and would like to live a happy
life
Use synonyms
 with their family and friends.
Such
Linking Words
 feelings are priceless
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 share their love and affection
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 by having a better understanding with each other
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it depends solely on
people
Use synonyms
’s qualities.
This
Linking Words
 gives
people
Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tremendous support to achieve anything in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To illustrate, an article in The Madrid Times showed that many working professionals in Germany would like to take a break from work once in 6 months to spend more time with their loved ones.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 one can buy most of the
things
Use synonyms
 with their wealth,
people
Use synonyms
 should put their time more than the
money
Use synonyms
 in order to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper health and to lead a prosperous
life
Use synonyms
 with their family and friends.

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task response
Your view is clear at the start. Restate it again in the end.
task response
Add more real life details to back each point.
coherence
Use simple links like first, also, however, for example to join ideas.
grammar
Check grammar and fix errors like 'resilient' and 'pay check'.
grammar
Keep sentences short and clear; avoid long run-ons.
lexical
Use the same key words like 'health' and 'happiness' so you do not repeat ideas.
content
You take a clear view and give a real world example.
structure
Your idea is shown in order: health then happiness, then a conclusion.
coherence
You use life touch from work and home to show your point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • money
  • time
  • health
  • family
  • friends
  • love
  • happiness
  • memory
  • value
  • priceless
  • care
  • support
  • safety
  • meaning
  • purpose
  • trust
  • belonging
  • peace
  • well-being
  • life
  • not for sale
  • cannot buy
  • true happiness
  • quality time
  • inner peace
What to do next:
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