IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Environmental damage is a major global issue. Some people think that individuals should take steps to protect the environment, while others believe governments should bear the main responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, environmental degradation has escalated into a critical global concern requiring immediate intervention.
While
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 a segment of society argues that personal lifestyle adjustments are effective to combat ecological damage, I contend that state governments must take the primary responsibility
due to
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 their administrative capacity and legal authority. Proponents of individual action emphasise that small daily habits can collectively lead to substantial environmental improvements. By reducing household waste, utilising public transportation, and purchasing eco-friendly products, citizens can effectively diminish their individual carbon footprints.
For example
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, if a large percentage of city dwellers opt for cycling
instead
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 of driving private vehicles, urban air pollution levels would decline noticeably.
Therefore
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, public awareness campaigns play an essential role in encouraging environmentally conscious behaviour across local communities.
Conversely
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, others maintain that individual efforts alone are insufficient to resolve complex ecological issues like industrial pollution and deforestation. Governments possess the regulatory power to enforce strict legal frameworks on large enterprises, which are responsible for the vast majority of global carbon emissions. By implementing heavy taxes on non-renewable energy consumption and heavily subsidising renewable infrastructure, legislative bodies can incentivise corporate entities to adopt sustainable practices. Without government intervention, private corporations are unlikely to sacrifice their financial profits for environmental preservation.
To conclude
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,
although
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 individual actions undoubtedly contribute to sustainable living, they are inadequate when confronting global environmental crises.I firmly maintain that state authorities should bear the main burden by enforcing strict environmental regulations on industrial sectors.

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task response
Score: 8. Add one more clear example for the government side. For instance, say how a law can stop a factory from putting waste into a river.
task response
Make your own view even stronger in the first part. You can say that people should help, but the government has the power to make big change.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. Your order is very clear. To make it even better, link the last sentence of each main part more directly to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more simple links inside the long sentences, such as “because”, “so”, and “as a result”. This can make the flow smoother.
task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view: the government should do more.
task response
Your ideas are on topic. You use a clear example about cycling and city air.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “Conversely”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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