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Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parent’s pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #athletes #idea #fear #failure #parent’s #pressure #parents #support #children #career #sports #point
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Becoming a professional athlete is a whole life dream of people who love
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sport
Suggestion
sports
.
However
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, fear of failure and especially pressure from
parent
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 are the main walls between many people and their dream. I personally think that
Use synonyms
parent
Suggestion
parents
a parent
 should be the one who
support
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 their children to pursue the
career
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 in sports as
parent
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 play the most important role
to
Suggestion
in
 the kid’s decision on continuing or quitting their
career
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 roadmap. There are plenty reasons for
Use synonyms
parent
Suggestion
parents
a parent
the parent
 to not
support
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 their children to follow athletic
career
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, mainly come from the concern of
uncertain future
Suggestion
an uncertain future
. The job market has become very competitive as it is, even with the university qualification.
Therefore
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,
parent
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 tend to influence their children to pursue studying roadmap rather than
sport
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career
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.
Besides
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, all sports require
high level
Suggestion
a high level
 of commitment, dedication and long-time practices and with extreme discipline.
As a result
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, most of young
sport
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 talents in high schools
finally
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 have decided to go to university to become a teacher, doctor or a banker after graduated
instead
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. Despite the aforementioned concerns of parents, I would contend that
parent
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 should
support
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 their
sport
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-gifted children to reach higher performances and achievements or even to boost their kids’ confidence to overcome the fear of failure. These parents are the ones who provide the
first
Linking Words
 opportunity to live up with
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sport
Suggestion
the sport
 and to give motivations during the athletic
career
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 of their kids. There are many successful stories of athlete stars with significant involvement of family
support
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.
For example
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, Dang Van Lam, the famous goalkeeper of
Vietnam National Football team
Suggestion
the Vietnam National Football team
 has shared that his success is contributed by two key factors: his endless love
to
Suggestion
for
of
 football and his family’s
support
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 by sending him to learn at
Spartak football club
Suggestion
a Spartak football club
the Spartak football club
 in Moscow when he was a child. Another athletic success
are
Suggestion
is
 Williams sisters, Serena Williams and Venus Williams. They have started playing tennis when they were kids and they are ranking at top 1 tennis players in the world now. In conclusion, while there are still some concerns of
parent
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 about insecure future, the
sport
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-gifted kids could greatly achieve more success with less effort if they luckily
have
Suggestion
has
 the accompany and encouragement of their family.
Submitted by Love Beauty99 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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