IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and uses up the world's fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a debate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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travelling by
air
Use synonyms
 has to be stopped, as it's the cause of
an
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increased
air
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 pollution and is a burden on
the
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oil products. I don't agree with
this
Linking Words
, as the aeroplanes have reduced the distances and the journey has become comfortable. On the one hand, there is a belief that the index of the polluted
air
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 has increased in the recent past, and it's related to more travelling by
the
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planes.
Secondly
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, as the airline industry is the largest consumer of
the
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petroleum sources,
so
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it's considered that it may end the world's fuel resources. So to say, there should be a restriction on
this
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 mode of transport, in order to save
the
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energy
as well as
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 to make the environment clean.
For instance
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, the WHO has announced that the
Eco friendly
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Eco-friendly
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 aircraft engines have to be developed to counter the smoke level in the
air
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, in
this
Linking Words
 era of science and technology, the world has become a global village and one can fly from one corner of the earth to another in less than 24 hours. It is possible
due to
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 the technological advancement and new inventions of helicopters and
fixed wing
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fixed-wing
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 machines, and I
also
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 back
this
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 idea.
This
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 fast mode of travelling has a positive impact on the growth of business, as the transportation of goods has become easier.
Moreover
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,
the
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tourism has flourished too much,
thus
Linking Words
 enhancing the social ties between the countries.
For example
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, the UAE government has developed Dubai as an economic hub by introducing multiple airlines
of
Change preposition
to
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 the state.
To conclude
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, in order to meet the fast pace of life, the mode of transportation has to be swift. In
this
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 way, the country will not only remain connected with the rest of the globe
,
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 but will
also
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 flourish by leaps and bounds.

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task response
The response needs to clearly express the writer's position on the given topic and provide a comprehensive analysis of the issue. More specific examples and evidence would improve the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. The introduction and conclusion need improvement, and the essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
lexical resource
The lexical resource shows some range of vocabulary, but there are also inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. More precise and varied vocabulary related to travel and environmental issues would enhance the essay.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the essay. More complex sentence structures and accurate use of grammar would improve the overall coherence of the essay.
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