Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and uses up the world's fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a debate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travelling by
air
has to be stopped, as it's the cause of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
increased
air
pollution and is a burden on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oil products. I don't agree with
this
, as the aeroplanes have reduced the distances and the journey has become comfortable. On the one hand, there is a belief that the index of the polluted
air
has increased in the recent past, and it's related to more travelling by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
planes.
Secondly
, as the airline industry is the largest consumer of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
petroleum sources,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it's considered that it may end the world's fuel resources. So to say, there should be a restriction on
this
mode of transport, in order to save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy
as well as
to make the environment clean.
For instance
, the WHO has announced that the
Eco friendly
Add a hyphen
Eco-friendly
show examples
aircraft engines have to be developed to counter the smoke level in the
air
.
On the other hand
, in
this
era of science and technology, the world has become a global village and one can fly from one corner of the earth to another in less than 24 hours. It is possible
due to
the technological advancement and new inventions of helicopters and
fixed wing
Add a hyphen
fixed-wing
show examples
machines, and I
also
back
this
idea.
This
fast mode of travelling has a positive impact on the growth of business, as the transportation of goods has become easier.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism has flourished too much,
thus
enhancing the social ties between the countries.
For example
, the UAE government has developed Dubai as an economic hub by introducing multiple airlines
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the state.
To conclude
, in order to meet the fast pace of life, the mode of transportation has to be swift. In
this
way, the country will not only remain connected with the rest of the globe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but will
also
flourish by leaps and bounds.
Submitted by doctor.awaisalikhan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The response needs to clearly express the writer's position on the given topic and provide a comprehensive analysis of the issue. More specific examples and evidence would improve the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. The introduction and conclusion need improvement, and the essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
lexical resource
The lexical resource shows some range of vocabulary, but there are also inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. More precise and varied vocabulary related to travel and environmental issues would enhance the essay.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the essay. More complex sentence structures and accurate use of grammar would improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: