IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

#figures #show #crime #youngsters #age #psychologists #reason #children #parents #teachers
A recent survey shows, the juvenile delinquents are increasing at a mammoth rate in several nations. Some people assert that the main reason of
this
 problem is that they do not get the moral and ethical values from parents and teachers.
However
, some people
are condemn
Suggestion
are condemning
have condemned
are condemned
 about
this
 statement. I agree with the formal statement which I can portray in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are multifarious reasons which are propitious to my viewpoint. The predominant reason is, in the fast pace of life, mostly both the parents are working and have hectic schedules. Due to dearth of time, they do not able to give some quality time to their wards and taught them some moral and ethical values.
Hence
, children grow up bereft of parental love.
Although
,
Accept space
,
the maid servants do take good care of
them but
Accept comma addition
them, but
 there is no touch of love or affection that children grave for.
Therefore
,
this
 leads them to feel neglected and in order to fill the void in their life they tend to go astray. Leaping
further
, the social media, society puts a great significant influence on the
children
Suggestion
child's
 mind. Children easily grasp the things, what they see in their surrounding areas.
Moreover
, nowadays, almost all the movies are based on violent land aggression, which puts an adverse
affects
Suggestion
effect
effects
 on the mind of juveniles. After, watching these types of movies, they
also
 tend to copy their action in their real lives,
consequently
, which gives them detrimental aftermaths. Sometimes, these can become a reason of ruin their whole life. To recapitulate, I reiterate my view point that juvenile crimes are increasing day by day, because children grow up deprived of their parents love and guidance.
Moreover
, I cogitate that parents should bestow their quality time to their wards and give them the guidance, so that they cannot go astray.
Submitted by HARPREET KAUR on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: