IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show how selected age groups bought concert, cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2013 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.

The charts below show how selected age groups bought concert, cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2013 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.
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The charts demonstrate how different aged
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 purchased concert, cinema and theatre
tickets
Use synonyms
 online in the first quarter of 2013 in
Australia
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,
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 and
Malaysia
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 and which devices
used
Add a missing verb
were used
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 to access
to
Change preposition
apply
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the internet. The percentage of young
people
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 used online services more than older
people
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 in
Australia
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 and
UK
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. The proportion of
people
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 aged between 25 -44
bought
Correct pronoun usage
who bought
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tickets
Use synonyms
 on the internet was nearly 55% in
Australia
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 and the
UK
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,
while
Linking Words
 in
Malaysia
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 about 40% of
tickets
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 were bought on the internet.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 online ticket purchases were almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 about 45% in the age group of 65 plus in three countries. The most common device in online ticket
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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 in
Australia
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,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Malaysia
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 is a desktop computer
while
Linking Words
 the least used is mobile phones. The rate of using a laptop is approximately 45% in
Malaysia
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 and
Australia
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. İn
conclusion
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,conclusion
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 online ticket purchases are higher in the
UK
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 and
Australia
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 than
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Malaysia
Change preposition
in Malaysia
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,
although
Linking Words
 the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of purchasing
tickets
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 by using devices is highest in
Malaysia
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, tickets, australia, uk, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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