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Band 6.5

Some people say that that working at home is beneficial to the worker and the family while others believe that it is stressful to both the worker and the family. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #home #worker
Recent developments in technology have meant that
people
 can use their computers or other devices to do
work
 remotely.
This
 allows them to
work
 from
home
 rather than
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 all day in an office or other place of
work
.
This
 essay will look into whether
this
 is beneficial or detrimental to a family, arguing that it is probably a positive development for most
people
. In the information era, it is quite possible for
people
 to
work
 at
home
 on their computer. The internet has opened up all sorts of possibilities in terms of making money, and so
people
 may
work
 remotely, as freelancers, or start their own
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
.
People
 typically prefer
this
 because it allows them a great deal of freedom. A person who prefers nights and loathes waking up early might choose to conduct their business at night,
whereas
 someone who likes to travel might
work
 from a laptop
while
 visiting different places. These obvious benefits make life better for the average person
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
 allow them to spend more time with their family, which may help increase familiar bonds and
also
 protect
people
’s mental health and spiritual well-being. Of course, there are some disadvantages to working from
home
. Being in an office,
although
 it can be a restrictive and uninspiring environment, provides motivation for workers,
while
 being at
home
 often leaves
people
 surrounded by distractions. Without a boss or co-workers nearby to push them, it is easy to procrastinate and waste a lot of time. It can
also
 be lonely working from
home
, as a person is required to spend long periods of time without any sort of social interaction. Even when
people
 don’t enjoy their workplace, they are still able to interact with other
people
, which is beneficial for their mental health. As for those with families, it may be hard to concentrate or to separate the usual workplace stress from family issues, resulting in personal problems. In conclusion, working from
home
 allows
people
 a far greater degree of freedom in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, but there are several drawbacks that mean
this
 sort of
work
 is not suitable for everyone.
Overall
,
however
, it is probably a positive development for most
people
.
Submitted by Nur Aamal on

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task achievement
Ensure that both perspectives are given equal weight in the discussion for a more balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good logical flow, use transitional phrases to enhance the connection between ideas and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is strong, clearly outlining the topic and giving a preview of the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates the personal opinion, strengthening the cohesion of the essay.
supported main points
Each paragraph addresses different aspects of the topic, supporting the main points with relevant information.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Remote work
  • Telecommuting
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Flexibility
  • Isolation
  • Distractions
  • Customized work environment
  • Work encroachment
  • Communication challenges
  • Family bonds
  • Traditional workplace
  • Time management
  • Personalized workspace
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