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Band 4.5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern school. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#discipline #school #people #responsibility #teachers #role #parents
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the increasing number of youngsters who suffer from obesity over the
last
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 decades.
(
Accept space
(
youngsters
Suggestion
Youngsters
 suffering from obesity). It is undeniable that fast
food
Use synonyms
 (processed
food
Use synonyms
) consumption and
sedentary lifestyle
Suggestion
sedentary lifestyles
a sedentary lifestyle
 have become an essential part of our life. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I will look at obstacles to become healthy, examine factors responsible for spreading of obese people. One of the main causes of overweight children is parents who allow their kids to consume unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis. It is a result of a shortage of parents’ time to prepare meals and habituate their offsprings. The
second
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 cause that might be noted, in my view, is advertisement that encourages children to pay for harmful enjoyment and become addicted to it. The explanation lies in the fact that
currently
Suggestion
current
 advertisements are everywhere, including movies, series and social media. The
first
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cause
an occurrence of something
case
 mentioned above has led to increase in the quantity of people who struggle with
this
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 problem. That all provoked by obtaining money from parents and paying for convenience
food
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 and contributed to even more spread of fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants. Another problem that follows is that advertising of eating disorders stimulates children to eat more. One of the consequences of
this
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 is
waste
Suggestion
a waste
 of money on things that slowly decreases longevity. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to a conclusion that guardians should pay more attention to children’s nutrition. So it would not be surprising to see some reduction of fit people in the near future.
In other words
Linking Words
,
aggregate spread
Suggestion
the aggregate spread
 of
imposed
Suggestion
imposing
 advertisement might happen and we should be ready to bear all the repercussions of that.
Submitted by Lil'Jupiter Di on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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