The problem with society today is that it is essentially unbalanced, with some people being paid huge salaries to work very long hours, whilst others do not have a job and have too much time on their hands. There is no middle ground. Do you agree or disagree?

#society #people #salaries #work #hours #whilst #job #time #hands #middle #ground

Problems related to employment and salary have always been one of the most imperative issues in today's society. It has been argued that there is no balance between individuals who get well-paid by working extended hours,

while

Correct word choice

and

show examples

others

are

Correct pronoun usage

who are

show examples

jobless and have too much wasted time. From my perspective, I strongly agree with

this

statement and my personal opinion will be expatiated through

this

essay. First of all, huge salary jobs often require candidates who pursue long-term education and have wide knowledge

along with

backgrounds in a specific field. Take

doctors

as an example.

Doctors

are well-known for their long hour's shift, but huge earnings. To be in that position, you have to graduate

Change preposition

from

show examples

medical

colleges

Fix the agreement mistake

college

show examples

, which will take you years of studying and experimenting with different situations as an internship.

Also

, the essential entrance prerequisites for types of

doctors

can be the ability to have fast reactions in emergency circumstances or the capability to deal with

varieties

Fix the agreement mistake

a variety

show examples

of harsh patients when it comes to mental illness.

Due to

all of these requirements, the number of

doctors

is really

little

Correct word choice

small

show examples

On the other hand

, after people gain something, they tend to not

satisfy

Wrong verb form

be satisfied

show examples

with what they already

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

As a result

, they will work harder to get improvement and try to gain more extra wages.

This

can explain why

wealthy-individuals

Correct your spelling

wealthy individuals

show examples

still tend to lengthen their working hours and get richer. Another reason is the boss will prefer workers who can work for an extended time, but

still

Add a missing verb

are still

show examples

productive to keep the profit stable, rather than hire new employees with less or no experience. Yet, these things will lead to a decrease in people's opportunities to get a job.

To sum up

, there are individuals who work for long hours and get well-paid,

nevertheless

, everything has its own reasons. In the future, the government should consider how to improve people's knowledge with different skills to help them have more chances to get jobs.

Submitted by Diana Martinez on Wed Jul 22 2020

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task response

Be more specific and provide data or evidence to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and connected with clear transitions between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

323 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The problem with society today is that it is essentially unbalanced, with some people being paid huge salaries to work very long hours, whilst others do not have a job and have too much time on their hands. There is no middle ground. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of remote work.

Scientists have been warning for many years about protecting the environment and that people must limit the use of energy in their daily lives. Despite warnings, many people do not do so. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to protect the environment?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that to become successful in sports, one should have a natural talent. Others, however, think that perseverance and practice are more crucial to success. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.