IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people encourage young people to travel and study.. Give some advantages and disadvantages...

#people #travel #study
Nowadays,
alote
give out
allot
all-out
Eliot
 of teenagers
travel
Suggestion
travels
 for studying abroad in high school or university. And most of parents encourage them. We all know that studying abroad would help them to build a
sucsessful
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
carrer
a person who is responsible for attending to the needs of a child or dependent adult
carer
carrier
, but others are saying that studying abroad is not a correct choice because of many reasons.
First
 of all, the
first
 team is saying that we should encourage young people to study or even work abroad, because they will gain new
knoledge
the psychological result of perception and learning and reasoning
knowledge
. To illustrate, many studies shows that most of the
celebrities travel
Accept comma addition
celebrities, travel
 a lot and they gain experiences that why we should encourage them.
Moreover
, young people or teenagers will build the future, so if we closed the
doors they
Accept comma addition
doors, they
 will not be able to build the new generations that why we should encourage them.
On the other hand
, the
second
 team is saying that we should not encourage them for studying abroad. Our
country
 wants the teenagers effort more than the other countries. So why we encourage them to travel, while we can encourage them to rise our culture.
Also
, if teenagers travelled to study, they would forget
there
of them or themselves
their
 traditions.
In particular
, the
country
Suggestion
country's
 history would be forgotten. Many studies show that 60% of the studying abroad students could not speak
there
of them or themselves
their
 mother language clear like they were. By the way, we should encourage them to benefit
there
of them or themselves
their
country
 more. To sum up, young people or teenagers are the heart of the
country
. They can build it or
distroy
do away with, cause the destruction or undoing of
destroy
destroyed
 it.
Then
 it is about
teenagers we
Accept comma addition
teenagers, we
 should think deeper that anytime.
This
 topic is double edged. And it will be better if we encourage teenagers to follow
there
of them or themselves
their
 dreams.
Submitted by مجهول مجهولين on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: