IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#societies #world #population #cost #healthcare #nation’s #provision #future
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It is considered that many countries around the globe, the people are becoming old increasingly,
as a result
Linking Words
 of which the cost of
health
Use synonyms
 care sectors are rising up.
Therefore
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, the people of specific country should be responsible for their expenses related to
health
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree
from
Suggestion
with
 the given statement. The main cause of individuals becoming old immensely is their
health
Use synonyms
. The more they are
healthy they
Accept comma addition
healthy, they
 will age slightly. Due to the eating habits of
mostly
Suggestion
most
 people, their immune system has become weaker and they are aging
fastly
with rapid movements
quickly
.
For example
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, In
USA
Suggestion
the USA
 the percentage of individuals eating junk food
is
Suggestion
are
 more,
consequently
Linking Words
 they suffer from
health
Use synonyms
 related problems and the organs are likely to be weak.
Moreover
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, the inclined cases of majority getting old the expenses of
such
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 countries are unbearable of hospitals. Government should be responsible for maintaining
health
Use synonyms
 institutions in
such
Linking Words
 cases rather than other humans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in some developed countries like Canada, Australia, each and everyone is provided by the medical insurance card which is used by the certain people in order to get their treatment.
However
Linking Words
, the procedures are done by some initial payment done by the
patient but
Accept comma addition
patient, but
 the huge amount is covered in their medical facility.
Young
Suggestion
The youngest
The younger
Younger
 age group
have
Suggestion
has
 much
responsibilities
Suggestion
responsibility
such
Linking Words
 as taking care of their families
financially including
Accept comma addition
financially, including
 children due to which they are unable to bear the expenditure of
health
Use synonyms
 related issues of
elderly
Suggestion
the elderly
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 matters should not be under the nation's people. To conclude, legislation should be responsible to resolve the issue and institutions should be financed for the additional care in order for the smooth running of
particular society
Suggestion
a particular society
particular societies
the particular society
.
Submitted by Deema on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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