IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

A large amount of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people say these have negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #advertisements #children #people #effects
modernization
Suggestion
Modernization
 on
milton
English poet; remembered primarily as the author of an epic poem describing humanity's fall from grace (1608-1674)
Milton
park
 in
last 6 years starting
Suggestion
the last 6 years, starting
the last 6 years starting
 from 2010 Currently,
milton
English poet; remembered primarily as the author of an epic poem describing humanity's fall from grace (1608-1674)
Milton
park
 presents multiple activities to engage visitors
for
Suggestion
in
of
 all age groups.
like
Suggestion
Like
, playground for children and adventure activity for adult. These activities were not available for people visiting the
park
 in 2010.
a
Suggestion
A
 small pond in 2010, which was present in the northeast corner in the
park
 is rejuvenated to a boating lake. New Ice cream shop and Toy shop is open on the north side of the
park
 opposite to
cafe
Suggestion
the cafe
a cafe
 across the
path
. These
commercials
Suggestion
commercial
settlement
Suggestion
settlements
 was not present in 2010. The most noticeable change in the
park
 is a Field, which was covering a major portion on the northwest side was converted to a picnic
area
 and a playground. Woods
area
 in the
park
 present in 2010 was shrunk and created an adventure play
area
. A new
path
 was constructed connecting the centre
path
 to the southwest side of the
park
.
This
 new
path
 is separating the mini-golf and the adventure play
area
. Now, the
park
 is having multiple modern facilities and activities at the cost of the greenery.
Submitted by ASHUTOSH MISHRA on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: