IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays the crime rate among young people is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done by parents and teachers to reduce it?

#crime #rate #people #parents #teachers
The rise in
crime
 among young people is a serious matter of concern these days. It is
heart wrenching
Add a hyphen
heart-wrenching
show examples
 to see the youngsters going astray in the society.
This
 essay will examine the possible reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the increased
crime
 rate among
youth
 and possible solutions that could address
this
 menace. The possible reasons for the rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youth
crime
 could be attributed to the
drugaddiction
Correct your spelling
drug addiction
drug-addiction
, unemployment or troubled childhood. The
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
 cause, to me, is doing
drugs
 and binge drinking among
youth
. It is a common sight to see teenagers drink excessively, and under the influence of
alcohol
Add a comma
alcohol,
show examples
 they
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 control and commit crimes.
For example
, it has been often witnessed that fights break
outsides
Replace the word
outside
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pub
Fix the agreement mistake
pubs
show examples
 and clubs in New Delhi. Law enforcement agencies
also
 opine that there is a direct connection
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
crime
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
 abuse these days.
Additionally
, some teenagers form a nasty habit of doing
drugs
 and get addicted to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 profusely.
There
Replace the word
Their
show examples
state is so bad that in order to feed their addiction, they do not mind committing any petty crimes. There are ways to combat
this
 sort of
crime
 that has torn apart the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
youth
. The stricter policies and penalties from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law enforcement agencies could possibly deter young people from a life of
crime
. The other possible solution that might work is that parents and teachers should explain
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the danger of
crime
 and bad habits.
Lastly
, we must have an efficient system so that
youth
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 remain better informed. In conclusion,
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
 and alcohol use could be
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
 reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 among
youth
. Both with the enforcement and counselling, the society could save the young people from going astray and their precious
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by TEST PURPOSE on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: