IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagrams illustrate construction of West Park Secondary School in 1950 and modifications after that in 1980 and 2010. summarise the diagrams

The diagrams illustrate construction of West Park Secondary School in 1950 and modifications after that in 1980 and 2010. summarise the diagrams
The bar chart illustrates
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 ten highest
Use synonyms
electricity producing
Add a hyphen
electricity-producing
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 and consuming countries in 2014.
Electricity
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 magnitudes are shown as billion
kWh
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. The countries are China,
US
Correct article usage
the US
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, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
show examples
 of Korea.
Overall
Linking Words
, China and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States were at the top of the list for both production and consumption,
while
Linking Words
 the rest of the countries fall very much behind these two. Another important data is that
Germany
Use synonyms
 was the only
country
Use synonyms
 that consumed more than it produced. China had a clear lead in terms of
electricity
Use synonyms
 turnover with
production
Add an article
the production
a production
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 of 5,398
kWh
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 and consumption of 5,322.
US
Correct article usage
The US
show examples
 had
Linking Words
second
Add an article
a second
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 place with production and consumption of 4,099
kWh
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 and 3,966
kWh
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Republic
Correct article usage
The Republic
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 of Korea is at the bottom of
this
Linking Words
 list, producing as little as 485,1
kWh
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 spending 449,5
kWh
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
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.
Germany
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 is another
country
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 worth noting because in
this
Linking Words
 particular
year
Add a comma
,year
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 it consumed more than it produced, which left it with
net
Correct article usage
a net
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 deficit of 55.9
kWh
Use synonyms
. Rewrite:
Germany
Use synonyms
 is another
country
Use synonyms
 worth noting because it was the only
country
Use synonyms
 with
net
Correct article usage
a net
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 deficit of 55.9
kWh
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 particular year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, kwh, germany, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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