IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

It can be seen that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who care about their
health
Use synonyms
 by adding regular exercise and eating healthy food in their lives
.
Verb problem
has increased.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the rationales related to
such
Linking Words
 a trend and encourage others to do the same. There is no doubt that we live in a world
that is
Linking Words
 changing at an increasing pace. Nowadays, there are a number of variables that affect human life,
such
Linking Words
 as technological developments, career-oriented lives, and hectic schedules.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, despite significant roles of these developments, our
health
Use synonyms
 and well-being are directly surrounded by their destructive influences. By way of illustration, they make our lives more convenient, and
people
Use synonyms
 can do their jobs from their home without any commuting or given to video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
appearance
Check wording
apply
show examples
, more individuals have sedentary and inactive lifestyles. So,
people
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 compensation for the consequences of
such
Linking Words
 detrimental
incidents
Punctuation problem
incidents,
show examples
 have acquired more motivation to eat healthier and be more active.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if individuals are more cautious and aware of the importance of these actions, they will have the opportunity to live in a healthier society, which is not only in the
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, but it
also
Linking Words
 reduces the burden on
health
Use synonyms
 care and medical systems.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will
encourage
Wrong verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 and
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated
show examples
 more
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if the governments and local authorities dedicate more budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 enhancing the number of well-equipped and appropriate gyms and clubs in
people
Use synonyms
's living areas, or provide more organic foods and nutrients
with
Change preposition
while
show examples
minimizing
Change the spelling
minimising
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial food additive ingredients.
Besides
Linking Words
, the media can
also
Linking Words
 play an instructive/vital role
to encourage
Change preposition
in encouraging
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 to pursue
this
Linking Words
 constructive trend.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it seems that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 care about their
health
Use synonyms
 nowadays, which is
profoundly a
Correct word order
a profoundly
show examples
 beneficial development.
Besides
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
's awareness and consciousness, the government and media can foster
such
Linking Words
 attitudes and operations among society's residents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
The opening is not clear. State your view and give a short plan of your essay.
task
Give 2-3 main ideas for why people eat healthy and exercise, and add simple facts or examples for each.
coherence
Make each paragraph have a clear main point. Start with a topic sentence, then add detail.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit, like 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'first', 'then', 'finally'.
coherence
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view.
content
The essay talks about real reasons like busy life and tech use.
content
It mentions government and media as good roles to help move people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: