IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself

#governments #care #support #people #responsibility #person #retirement
Everyone would be older, they could not do
any thing
an indefinite thing
anything
 to earn money.
That is
 a reason why
the oldest
Suggestion
the older
 people always need authorities. But, there are many options that people who already retired have to take
care
themselve
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
, they should not base on the state. I completely disagree about that
options
Suggestion
option
.
Firstly
, almost elderly people do not want to create more pressure on their children and relatives. They would think their children live far from home
that is
 not convenient
to
Suggestion
for
carying
move while supporting, either in a vehicle or in one's hands or on one's body
carrying
curing
carry-on
 them.
For instance
, their children live far from home or they have already families, they must take
care
 their babies and husband.
Therefore
,
oldest
Suggestion
older
peole
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
 need to be taken by the governments.
In addition
, when they were young, some people have not good income, but they still take
care
 of
thier
of them or themselves
their
 families, so they could not prepare for retirement.
Secondly
, when they still have a
teenages
a juvenile between the onset of puberty and maturity
teenager
teenage
 or young employees, they work hard for
thier
of them or themselves
their
 families and contribute to
development
Suggestion
developing
develop
 social.
Hence
, after they retired, they too old to do any jobs, governments should provide
care
 or financial support for them to show gratefulness for their contribution. In
coclusion
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
, everyone would be more older and could not earn money to
cary
Suggestion
Cary
care
carry
themselve
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
 that a
reasons
Suggestion
reason
 why people already retired really need governments.
Therefore
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 strongly believe that the state should beside the elderly people to take
care
 of them.
Submitted by Trúc Mi Nguyễn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: