IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, Advance science and technology have made great change to people's life, but artist such as musician, painters and writers still highly valued. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

#advance #science #technology #change #people #life #artist #musician #painters #writers #art
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It is not refutable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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science
Use synonyms
 and arts bring remarkable benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
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.
Both
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 have importance
on
Change preposition
in
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 their own places.
According to
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me
Add a comma
me,
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both
Use synonyms
 are equally contributed part in developing any individual’s life. I discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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both
Use synonyms
 of
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this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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 in
Linking Words
further
Add an article
the further
a further
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paragraph
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraphs
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.
Art
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contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
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essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 role in the life of the artist.
Art
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 can bring out
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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’s creativity and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to be an artist from the normal person.
Art
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 can help
people
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 to learn about histories, traditions and culture through
the
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apply
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books, movies and so on. We have many
art
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 pieces which are situated in museums and exhibitions.
People
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 pay
for seeing
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to see
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this
Linking Words
 masterpiece. It shows how
much
Correct word choice
important
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art
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 is important for nowadays. On the other side,
Science
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 and
technology
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 have
also
Linking Words
 their own importance. It is totally true that
science
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 makes
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
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 lifeline easier than
far
Rephrase
ever
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 before. Today we have cars and aeroplanes. So, it is possible to travel from one place to another place in
short
Add an article
a short
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 time. Only because of
technology
Use synonyms
, today it is possible
Fix the infinitive
to communication
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 with our friends, family and colleagues who are far from us. Nowadays,
People
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 have access
of
Change preposition
to
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 plenty of information to figure touch through the mobile, computer and internet.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
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 use
technology
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for expressing
Change preposition
to express
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 their
art
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 in front of the world.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
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 make songs and write lyrics by using their creativity and use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 for recording and spreading
this
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 among the
people
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.
Moreover
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, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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science
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 can not take the place of the arts.
For example
Linking Words
,
painting
Add an article
a painting
the painting
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 made by hand is attached to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human emotions which are not seen in digital images.
Good
Add an article
A good
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 example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 is Leonardo da Vinci’s painting, Mona Lisa which is a famous and invaluable example of handmade
art
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.
Thus
Linking Words
to conclude
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
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Art
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
&
Correct your spelling
and technology
Technology
Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
 play an important role among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. It is necessary to maintain
both
Use synonyms
 things in our life.
Submitted by Raj Devendra on

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task response
Ensure a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt and supports it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing the essay with clear topic sentences and supporting details for each paragraph. Use transitions to create a smoother flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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