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Band 4

Today, Advance science and technology have made great change to people's life, but artist such as musician, painters and writers still highly valued. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

#advance #science #technology #change #people #life #artist #musician #painters #writers #art
It is not refutable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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science
 and arts bring remarkable benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
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.
Both
 have importance
on
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in
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 their own places.
According to
me
Add a comma
me,
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both
 are equally contributed part in developing any individual’s life. I discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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both
 of
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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 in
further
Add an article
the further
a further
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paragraph
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraphs
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.
Art
contribute
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contributes
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essential
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an essential
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 role in the life of the artist.
Art
 can bring out
the
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apply
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people
’s creativity and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to be an artist from the normal person.
Art
 can help
people
 to learn about histories, traditions and culture through
the
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apply
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books, movies and so on. We have many
art
 pieces which are situated in museums and exhibitions.
People
 pay
for seeing
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to see
show examples
this
 masterpiece. It shows how
much
Correct word choice
important
show examples
art
 is important for nowadays. On the other side,
Science
 and
technology
 have
also
 their own importance. It is totally true that
science
 makes
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 lifeline easier than
far
Rephrase
ever
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 before. Today we have cars and aeroplanes. So, it is possible to travel from one place to another place in
short
Add an article
a short
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 time. Only because of
technology
, today it is possible
Fix the infinitive
to communication
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 with our friends, family and colleagues who are far from us. Nowadays,
People
 have access
of
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to
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 plenty of information to figure touch through the mobile, computer and internet.
Furthermore
, sometimes
people
 use
technology
for expressing
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to express
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 their
art
 in front of the world.
For instance
,
Musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
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 make songs and write lyrics by using their creativity and use
the
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apply
show examples
technology
 for recording and spreading
this
 among the
people
.
Moreover
, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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science
 can not take the place of the arts.
For example
,
painting
Add an article
a painting
the painting
show examples
 made by hand is attached to
the
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apply
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human emotions which are not seen in digital images.
Good
Add an article
A good
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 example
for
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of
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this
 is Leonardo da Vinci’s painting, Mona Lisa which is a famous and invaluable example of handmade
art
.
Thus
to conclude
that
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apply
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Art
 and
science
&
Correct your spelling
and technology
Technology
both
 play an important role among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
. It is necessary to maintain
both
 things in our life.
Submitted by Raj Devendra on

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task response
Ensure a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt and supports it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing the essay with clear topic sentences and supporting details for each paragraph. Use transitions to create a smoother flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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