IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some graduates prefer to travel for a year between graduation and gaining a full time employment.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

After completing graduation, some
people
Use synonyms
 choose to join a full-
time
Use synonyms
 job,
whereas
Linking Words
 some choose to go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
journey
Correct article usage
a journey
show examples
 for almost a year before joining the employment.In both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases, an individual learns something and
also
Linking Words
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 something, as both cases have their own benefits and drawbacks, which I will explain in the following essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advantages,
one
Use synonyms
 can refresh his or herself and
consequently
Linking Words
 regain the energy to get back to
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, after constant hard
work
Use synonyms
 of 4 or 5
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 may feel tired and may need some
time
Use synonyms
 to regain the enthusiasm to
work
Use synonyms
 again.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
time
Use synonyms
 off may help them.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 can explore
people
Use synonyms
, culture and other fields as well, which may be helpful to oneself to develop communication
skills
Use synonyms
, increase knowledge and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
explore other opportunities.To illustrate, some
people
Use synonyms
 from the fashion or journalism field may
fine
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
 with more experience or knowledge or even they can recognize their hidden talents.But travelling after graduation
also
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks, which cannot be ignored. To talk about the disadvantages, first and foremost, after a gap of almost a year
one
Use synonyms
 may
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 some
may lose
Verb problem
of
show examples
 their
skills
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their respective fields.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 may lack a year of experience
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, which may leave oneself behind from other colleagues.
For example
Linking Words
, if anyone chooses to take a break for a long
time
Use synonyms
, it is very obvious
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 lost command over some technical
skills
Use synonyms
, which they have learned previously and that will affect their quality
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, a long
time
Use synonyms
 span chosen to travel around after graduation may prove to be
Correct article usage
a blessings
show examples
blessings
Fix the agreement mistake
blessing
show examples
 or even a loss.Counting on benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as regaining energy or acquiring more knowledge, and drawbacks like lost grip on some important
skills
Use synonyms
 and experience
one
Use synonyms
 should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a decision.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This will help your readers understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'for example') to help connect your ideas. This can make your writing flow better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will strengthen your arguments and show you have thought deeply about the topic.
task achievement
Try to explain your ideas more fully. This will help you achieve a clearer understanding of your points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the different choices graduates have, which sets a good context for the essay.
task achievement
You have mentioned both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view on the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: