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Band 4.5

In many countries, people are spending more time in their workplace. Why is this? Is this a negative or positive development?

#countries #people #time #workplace #development
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More and more employees are
find
Suggestion
finding
 themselves working long hours these days.
This
 is mainly due to the evolving nature of industry in the 21st century and its decidedly not a positive change. Younger generation today cannot expect to have a traditional 9 to 5
job
Suggestion
jobs
 and receive a good compensation. In the past, a person collected the majority of their income from salary and was able to afford luxurious and a stable family life. Nowadays, salaries are lower compared to the living expenses, many jobs have disappeared as technology improves and companies become more efficient.
This
 means that an average worker will have to toil for
longer
Suggestion
long
 hours or get a
second
 job to strive for the same standard of living they remember from childhood.
Hence
its
it is
it's
 no surprise that many are discontent with their work-life balance.
This
 is typically a negative development because it leads to mental health problems. The exception is when an individual has a passion for their job,
such
 cases are few and far between.
Instead most
Accept comma addition
Instead, most
 must accept jobs they do not love with lower salaries. Working long hours, making little money, and not having passion can result in an unhealthy mental state.
This
 varies from mild unhappiness, apathy and mild restlessness to extreme manifestations
such
 as depressions and panic attacks. Another Impact of
this
 is an unhealthy lifestyle
that is
 due to lack of work-life balance. Many people self medicate with alcohol or drugs or turning to a therapist who prescribes mood-altering pharmaceuticals to address the symptoms rooted in large scale societal problems.
Lastly
Accept comma addition
Lastly, this
this
 can result in problems in family life as people are unable to spend enough time with
thier
of them or themselves
their
there
 family, In conclusion, many people work longer hours because of lower salaries and increased cost of living and worsens their mental health.
Its
Suggestion
It's
 important for individuals today to cut back of their living expenses and lead a happy life with less money.
Submitted by anilkarayilcan on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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