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Band 5.5

Limited money should be spend on computer equipment or good teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#money #computer #equipment #teachers
As
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With
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 the advancement of technology, it has been applied in various aspects like business, medicine,and education. Some people advocate that the government should put
the
Correct article usage
a
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 restricted budget on
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
computer
equipment
,
while
 others suggest that it is better to be used
on
Change preposition
for
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 training
teachers
. The idea of both sides
with
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in
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 my own opinion will be
further
 discussed and elaborated
in
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on in
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this
 essay. On the one hand, the utilisation of intelligent devices can help
teachers
 to enhance the eagerness of learning among
students
.
For instance
, combining with e-textbooks or learning applications
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can create an interesting and enjoyable environment in the classroom.
Students
 can attain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vivid images or challenging games that can facilitate the enthusiasm of learners.
Moreover
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the sufficiency of
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
equipment
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ensure every student is able to access a vast pool of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 on the internet instantly
as well as
 the latest information.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to invest more in
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 hard and soft
equipment
 of schools.
On the other hand
, promoting the quality of
teachers
 is great for improving the academic performance and psychosocial development of pupils. As pupils spend most of their quality time in school, the role of
teachers
 is not only imparting knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 playing the part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consultant and guardian.
For example
, a mentor who has a sense of recognizing
pupil's
Correct article usage
a pupil's
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 unstable
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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 or the
sign
Fix the agreement mistake
signs
show examples
 of school bullying at
early
Add an article
an early
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 stage
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 the issue
escalate
Wrong verb form
from escalating
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental illness, or
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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irreparable
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
.
Consequently
, there is a necessity to offer the training course regularly to
teachers
. In conclusion, uploading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
equipment
 is more adaptable and practical in
this
 digital world nowadays,
while
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teachers
 who are qualified and experienced
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
 virtual for
students
.
However
, I personally believe that a sensible use of intelligent devices would help
students
 have great efficiency of learning; meanwhile, reducing the burden of
teachers
 on the
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 task.
Accordingly
, there is more advantage to spend money on computer
equipment
.
Submitted by p282734 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt by discussing both views in depth and clearly stating your opinion at the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good overall structure, but consider using more transitional words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
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