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Writing Samples
Band 6

Sending criminals to prison is not the most effective method to deal with crime. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #prison #method #crime #education #job
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It is true that nowadays the
prison
Use synonyms
 method to solve problems of crime is no longer the best way. Some people suggest that the authorities may provide
education
Use synonyms
 and
job
Use synonyms
 training for criminals to adjust their
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 and I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. On the one hand, there are several reasons why putting offenders to
prison
Use synonyms
 is becoming less effective. The
first
Linking Words
 disadvantage is that the cost of running and managing the
prison
Use synonyms
. The government has to invest much money in facilities and security, and even
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 systems if a large amount of crime serves a long
prison
Use synonyms
 sentence.
This
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 will become a policy burden for the government.
Furthermore
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, many prisoners will re-offend when they are released.
This
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 is because when they have to lose freedom and spend many years in incarceration, they will struggle to find a
job
Use synonyms
 after being released because of their criminal record.
Therefore
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, they will continue engaging in activities that could lead to criminality.
On the other hand
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, I believe that
education
Use synonyms
 and
job
Use synonyms
 training are a better way to help offenders become good citizens.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
education
Use synonyms
 could change the awareness of criminals in a positive way.
This
Linking Words
 is because when being educated, criminals would be able to distinguish between right and wrong, which helps them think carefully and realize that it would not be worth the risk.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
job
Use synonyms
 training is one of the best ways for crimes to rehabilitate. Indeed, many people carry out a crime again after staying a long time in
prison
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 as they do not have money and do not know what they can do. So, providing
job
Use synonyms
 training would help them can earn money when they come back to
society and
Accept comma addition
society, and
 they would no longer have motivation re-offend. In conclusion, In my view, the government should provide
education
Use synonyms
 and
job
Use synonyms
 training for criminals to replace the primary
prison
Use synonyms
 method.
Submitted by Andy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • criminal behavior
  • reintegration into society
  • recidivism rates
  • breeding ground
  • cost-effective
  • cycle of poverty and crime
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