IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people today are moving from the countryside. Why is this happening? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

These days, the influx of residents from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to metropolises is growing exponentially. From my perspective, there is a host of compelling reasons leading to
this
Linking Words
 negative
migration
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is a plethora of causes accounting for the
migration
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 of
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
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 residents to
cities
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those who migrated from the countryside to urban
areas
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 desire to apply for a
job
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, the rapid economic growth of affluent
cities
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 is bringing about plenty of
job
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 opportunities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
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 blue-collar workers from rural
areas
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 to earn a good living in
cities
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, resulting in improving their lives.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is the educational purpose that appeals to less developed
areas
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. Specifically, universities and colleges are often situated in large
cities
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in
Change preposition
apply
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which have a modern and convenient transport system.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents in rural
areas
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 usually have a tendency to encourage their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 to leave their home to get a better education in urban
areas
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
migration
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 wave from rural
areas
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 is leaving detrimental impacts on
cities
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. The influx of rural citizens from the countryside will contribute to overpopulation in
cities
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will exert severe pressure on the housing market, transportation, health care system and other aspects. Another negative effect is the prospect of an increase in the crime rate. In case people from rural
areas
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 living in
cities
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 fail to apply for a
job
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, they are likely to commit a crime
such
Linking Words
 as
drug-trafficking
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drug trafficking
show examples
 or even human trafficking. Take Vietnam as a typical example, 39 deaths were confirmed in a refrigerated truck in Essex in the United Kingdom in 2019, which was a consequence of human trafficking caused by those people who are unemployed in a rural district in Vietnam. In conclusion, it is obvious that there are plenty of causes that contribute to the
migration
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 from rural
areas
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 to large
cities
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, which are
job
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 opportunities and educational purposes. To curb the spread of
this
Linking Words
 trend, it is highly recommended that universities and large enterprises should be relocated and partly moved to the countryside to create a balance between
job
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 opportunities in rural and urban
areas
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to include a clearer connection between some points in your paragraphs to enhance flow.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your overall argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the case in Vietnam, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the key points well, linking them back to the migration issue.
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