Some think we should take more measures to deal with criminals. However, others think that there is not much we can do to curb law breaking. Discuss both views and give opinion

Crime
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is a serious and growing problem in most societies.
Although
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many people believe that the best way to tackle
this
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is to take more
measures
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to deal with criminals, others are of the opinion that
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This
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this
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is not very effective. On the one hand, we can enact and improve many new
measures
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to cope with the increasing number of crimes.
For example
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, putting
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crime
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criminals
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in jail for longer periods is one of the most effective ways because spending a long time in
prison
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provides an opportunity for the
prison
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services to rehabilitate a prisoner.
For example
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, someone who has committed a serious offence
such
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as rape will need a long time in
prison
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in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend.
In addition
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to
this
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, longer
prison
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sentences will act as a deterrent for someone who is thinking of committing a
crime
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.
On the other hand
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, despite introducing more
measures
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to deal with crimes, there are still many limitations in enforcing them.
For example
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, in Brazil, slums still exist
and
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, and
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this
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is
also
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the largest drug outlet in South America
with
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, with
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many illegal businesses
but
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, but
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covered by police and law
organizations
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organisations
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.
Therefore
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, even though more penalties are issued, it is useless when even law enforcement people violate the law.
In addition
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, the government can focus resources on the causes of
crime
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, which will lead to fewer crimes in the future than just issuing more
measures
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without regard to the outcome. In conclusion, many countries have
strict
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a strict
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legal system, but
crime
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has continued to increase throughout the world, so
it is clear that
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this
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is not completely effective. So, I think we should pay more attention to the quality of the legal system than the number of laws enacted.

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task response
Be clear on your view in the first paragraph and restate it at the end.
coherence
Make the two ideas in each body paragraph clear. Start with a topic sentence and show how it links to your view.
cohesion
Use better links to join ideas. Use words like also, but, so, however.
grammar
Fix grammar and word use. For example, 'in jail longer' is ok; 're-educated' is odd; use 'learn not to do again'.
task response
Give one or two clear examples. Do not go too far to talk of many places.
process
Plan the essay first: write a short plan with four parts.
structure
Clear plan with four parts (intro, two body, conclusion).
content
Speaks on both sides and ends with view.
coherence
Uses linking words like on the one hand / on the other hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime prevention
  • crime control
  • law enforcement
  • deterrence
  • punishment
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • root causes
  • community empowerment
  • public awareness
  • legal literacy
  • partnerships
  • comprehensive approaches
  • holistic approaches
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