IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

There is an argument that women should work in force.Others think that they can work other area. Write both views and your opinion

#argument #women #work #force #area
There is no doubt that nowadays gender equality is highly maintained in the all walks of the life.
However
, people have
different opinion
Suggestion
different opinions
a different opinion
, whether the women should be included in the jobs like
armed force
Suggestion
the armed forces
armed forces
, I personally, believe that they should be given an equal opportunity to work in
this
 field as well.
Firstly
, the obvious reason to why I consider
this
 is a great step in the modern world is that, currently, technical skills and
leader ship
the activity of leading
leadership
 are two essential qualities requiring to control others, not the brutal muscle power.
In other words
, taking proper a crucial decision at the right in the military is extremely significant rather than physically control the situation.
Therefore
, the staff would possess in depth knowledge of working of various machineries and know how to motivate their military men to act effectively.
For instance
, to restrict illegal movement of the intruders can be prevented, particularly, in the border by implementing surveillance cameras.
Nevertheless
, opponents of the above argument point out that working
in
Suggestion
with
 a force can be a challenging for many girls.
This
 is because a certain task demands a high level of physical strength, which may not be attained by women. Eventually, they become
non combatant
Suggestion
non combatants
 to the armed force.
For example
, living and fighting during an extreme harsh climate,
such
 as winter and summer, would not be tolerated by the most of
members
Suggestion
the members
 of
this
 group.
Hence
this
 is can bring an imbalance in the job sector, some experts believe they should be kept away from
such
 fields. In conclusion, even though many feminists advocate that they women need to be allowed to work in the military service, others oppose since
this
 requires a lot of physical strength.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: