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Writing Samples
Band 3

Subjects such as arts sports and music are being dropped from the school curriculam for subjects such as information technology many prople childern suffer as a result of there changes. To what extent would you support or rejects the idea of moving these subjecs from school curriculam?

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Introduction
It is unanimously true that
education
Use synonyms
play
Suggestion
plays
 vital role in every individual life. Recently art
,
Accept space
,
music
Use synonyms
 and sports subjects are additional subjects in
Use synonyms
school syllabus
Suggestion
the school syllabus
school syllabuses
,
Accept space
,
even current
Body paragraph 1
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
Education
 system
emphsis
special importance or significance
emphasis
 on
technology
Use synonyms
 related subjects, Let's discuss positive and
negitive
characterized by or displaying negation or denial or opposition or resistance; having no positive features
negative
 impacts of art
,
Accept space
,
music
Use synonyms
 subjects in current
education
Use synonyms
 system.
Body paragraph 2
There are many arguments to stay traditional subjects in
syllabus
Suggestion
the syllabus
,
Accept space
,
Firts
preceding all others in time or space or degree
first
 it
provid
give something useful or necessary to
provides
proved
provided
 creativity
Body paragraph 3
students
Suggestion
Students
 can
enhence
increase
enhance
enhances
 creative skills by arts.
morever our
Accept comma addition
Moreover, our
Moreover our
moreover our
 traditional
music
Use synonyms
 is
improtant part
Suggestion
an important part
important part
 of
culture
Suggestion
the culture
. It is
impreative
requiring attention or action
imperative
impressive
to
Suggestion
for
 students preserved some
culture
Suggestion
cultural
 value. Some students select sports and
music
Use synonyms
 as
profession career
Suggestion
a profession, career
a profession career
 in
futher
to or at a greater extent or degree or a more advanced stage ('further' is used more often than 'farther' in this abstract sense)
further
,
Accept space
,
 if students
learing
gain knowledge or skills
learn
there
of them or themselves
their
 subjects from
parimary
of first rank or importance or value; direct and immediate rather than secondary
primary
educaton
the activities of educating or instructing; activities that impart knowledge or skill
education
,
Accept space
,
 it will be
significant
Suggestion
significantly
helpfull
providing assistance or serving a useful function
helpful
 in
further
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people argue that, in
era
Suggestion
an era
the era
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 students need
to prepaid
Suggestion
to prepay
to be prepaid
 about computer
,
Accept space
,
information
technology
Use synonyms
 that would
benifical
Suggestion
benefit
beneficial
 in working life, for
Body paragraph 5
instant
Suggestion
Instant
 in INDIA many central board
Use synonyms
school
Suggestion
schools
alread include
Suggestion
already includes
already include
technology
Use synonyms
 related subjects like
,
Accept space
,
networking,
java
a platform-independent object-oriented programming language
Java
,
codeing
act of writing in code or cipher
coding
 basic knowledge at
school
Use synonyms
 level. That will be
great oppertunity
Suggestion
a great opportunity
great opportunity
 for students to develop
intrest
a sense of concern with and curiosity about someone or something
interest
interests
 since childhood. In additional
It
Suggestion
Its
 field is
contant
Suggestion
constantly
constant
contained
 growing by innovation. Students need to update
everytime
Suggestion
every time
.
Conclusion
To conclude that,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 personally think
anout
(of quantities) imprecise but fairly close to correct
about
 students need to learn every
subjests
Suggestion
subject
subjects
 like It
,
Accept space
,
art, sports
,
Accept space
,
music
Use synonyms
 at primary
school
Use synonyms
.
At
Suggestion
In
 higher
education
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
however
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 students should be offered a choice
,
Accept space
,
 between
there
of them or themselves
their
 subjects, so that they can select
carrer
Suggestion
the carrier
carrier
a carrier
career
care
 by their wish.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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