IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities. Such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #gym #health #club #activities #stairs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is really essential to stay fit because it is said by some individuals that a sound mind lives in a sound body.Some people believe that they should join do some exercises or join any club in order to stay fit and healthy, while
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
 thinks that they should do regular activities which can be done anywhere. In my perspective, both ways have its pros and cons and my viewpoints on
this
Linking Words
 issue will be elaborated in the aforementioned paragraphs.
on
Suggestion
On
 the one hand, there are various benefits of joining
Use synonyms
gym
Suggestion
a gym
the gym
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 when people join
Use synonyms
gym
Suggestion
a gym
the gym
then
Linking Words
 it keeps their body fit and helps to maintain their weight
.
Accept space
.
 Young people specially join
Use synonyms
gym
Suggestion
a gym
 in order to build their muscles and look attractive.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey was conducted in the year of 2017 and its result was that seventy percent youngsters have joined
Use synonyms
gym
Suggestion
a gym
gyms
 in order to stay hit and healthy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other people think that walking
,
Accept space
,
 climbing and running is
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for health. These activities are really easy for children as well as for elderly people and they can do these activities at home
.
Accept space
.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey was conducted in all the developed countries and its result was that
mostly
Suggestion
most
elderlly
advanced in years; ('aged' is pronounced as two syllables)
elderly
 people are involved in these activities and these are really beneficial for them. To recapitulate,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 would like to write that people should join those activities which they really enjoy.
Submitted by raman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: