IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

. Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and that having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
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Every person
need
Suggestion
needs
 employment in order to fulfil his /her basic necessities of life. It is said by some individuals that its more important to stay
happy
Suggestion
happier
 rather than having
job
Use synonyms
 security. While
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
 think that its rare that people can enjoy their
job
Use synonyms
 because
its
it is
it's
 more crucial to have
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
jobs
 for livelihood
.
Accept space
.
In my perspective, if people want to enjoy their
life
Accept comma addition
life, then
then
Linking Words
 they should give priority to
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 and my viewpoints will be elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, for some people
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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 is more important in order to live
joyous life
Suggestion
a joyous life
. So they prefer a
job
Use synonyms
 in their field of education and interests. Another reason is that when people find
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
the job
a job
jobs
 of their choice
then
Linking Words
 they can perform better and focus more on their
work
Use synonyms
 which leads to their
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 level.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey was conducted in India in the year of 2017 and its result was that fifty percent young people of India prefer to have
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
jobs
 of their own choice rather than earning money.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some people
work
Use synonyms
 only to meet the demands of their needs. They think that
its
it is
it's
 important to earn money rather than having
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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. It is observed in many organizations that few employees get
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 at
work
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 and
its
it is
it's
 hard to say that workers can get
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 at
work
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. To recapitulate
,
Accept space
,
 I would like to write that
its
it is
it's
 really hard to find
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 so people do
job
Use synonyms
 for earning livelihood.
Submitted by raman on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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