IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

local council is considering closing a sports and leisure centre that it runs, in order to save money. Write a letter to the local council. In your letter • give details of how you and your friends or family use the centre • explain why the centre is important for the local community • describe the possible effects on local people if the centre closes

#council #sports #leisure #centre #money #friends #community #effects #people
Dear Sir or Madam, I am John Reyyes, one of the members of the local community, writing to you to express my dissatisfaction with your plan to close the sports and leisure
centre
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will have negative effects on us. My family and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have been using the
centre
 since we moved to
this
 area.
Firstly
, my wife has taken up a yoga course there and
this
 sport from the sports
centre
 has had a positive impact on our lives.
Secondly
, my children have been working out there in the past year.
As a result
, they are away from getting addicted to the drugs.
This
centre
 is vitally important for the local community here, and it has brought many benefits with it. Youths are having healthy lives
due to
 the variety of courses
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cooperating with their schools to make it easier to develop
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 skills and express themselves in
this
 society. I am looking forward to your reply in order to change your mind about saving
this
centre
instead
 of closing it to save money. Yours faithfully, John Reyyes
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You've managed to structure your letter in a clear way, presenting each of your arguments in a separate paragraph. However, to improve the logical structure, consider introducing each paragraph more clearly with topic sentences that signal the specific focus of the paragraph. This will make your arguments even more coherent for the reader.
Task Achievement
Each paragraph contains relevant details about how the sports and leisure centre benefits you and the community, which is good. However, elaborating more on these points by providing specific examples or further explaining the consequences of closing the centre could enrich your argument and make your response more complete.
Task Achievement
For a more formal and consistent tone, avoid using casual language ('my wife has taken up a yoga course there and this sport from the sports centre has had a positive impact on our lives'). Instead, opt for more formal expressions and avoid contractions ('has' instead of 'has', 'do not' instead of 'don't'). This will give your letter the suitable writing tone expected in formal correspondence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your greeting and closing are generally appropriate for formal letters, but ensure that you maintain a consistent formal tone throughout the letter. Including a more formal closing ('Yours sincerely' when the name of the person is known, 'Yours faithfully' when it is not) paired with your full name enhances the professionalism of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure centre
  • foster social bonds
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • constructive activities
  • accessible
  • exercise
  • community spirit
  • public service
  • anti-social behavior
  • cost-saving measures
  • vital role
  • recreation
  • negative impact
  • forecast
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