IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children’s future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #children’s #future
In a world thriving with competition, parents want the best exposure for their children. Many parents argue that educators should expose their
offsping
the immediate descendants of a person
offspring
 to expert skills in their formative years.
However
, others feel their kids should be exposed to a variety of topics which are advantageous for the future. While we discuss both the sides in
this
 essay, in my opinion a well rounded
education
 with a good balance of skills as well as general topics is equally essential.
Firstly
, and
admittably today's
Suggestion
the admittedly today's education system
admittedly today's education system
education
 system is still not developed to cater to the ever increasing needs of the real world.
Furthermore
, in most cases, children are still learning the same subjects their parents learnt 30 years back. While there is a massive shift in the
job
the principal activity in your life that you do to earn money
Job
 market and the skills required, the same is not
callibarated
widely known and esteemed
celebrated
calibrated
 in the
education
 system.
For example
, ,
Suggestion
,
 children are still using pen and paper to study in schools and colleges while as soon as they take up a job they need to be
aquainted
having fair knowledge of
acquainted
 with the computers.
On the other hand
, I do not believe that just these special skills are good enough. I support the idea that well-rounded
education
 system is the need of the day. While exposing the kids to the special skills the basic
education
 is as essential.
For example
, we were exposed to
extra curricular
outside the regular academic curriculum
extracurricular
 activities like sewing, cooking or knitting, which were indeed used later on in life. I
further
 feel that no
education
 is a waste and can be used sometime in the future. In conclusion, while some parents feel teaching special skills to the kids are important others feel teaching their kids a range of subjects is essential. I would support the opinion that while the schools needs to upgrade the topics taught at school a wholesome exposure to various subjects is essential for a
childs
Suggestion
child's
child
 upbringing.
Submitted by Suneela Phatak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Practical skills
  • Financial literacy
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Well-rounded education
  • Independence
  • Real-life situations
  • Cognitive development
  • Broader understanding
  • Ideal education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: