IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that sentencing long term prisonment is best way to reduce crime while others are completely opposite to.discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #term #prisonment #crime
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Nowadays,
crime
Use synonyms
 is serious and growing problem in our country. Some people think every criminal
deserve
Suggestion
deserves
 strict punishment because they need to pay for what they did.The other people
thinks
Suggestion
think
 they should in
better way
Suggestion
a better way
 as not all criminal are bad. I will discuss on both aspects
.
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.
 There are benefits of giving offenders longer
prison
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 punishment.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
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,
 spending
long time
Suggestion
a long time
 in
prison
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 provides an opportunity to rethink what they did
.
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if
some
a human being
someone
one
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 did the
crime
Use synonyms
 than he or she should provide re-education in
prison
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 so that he/she realize his/her guilty. I saw
one
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 culprit who done some
crime
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. But when he came back
from
Suggestion
from prison, it
prison
Use synonyms
 it
totally change
Suggestion
totally changes
has totally changed
.
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.
Now he is doing
job
Suggestion
a job
 and living with his parents. He
look
Suggestion
looks
 like a gentle no
one
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 say after
seen
Suggestion
seeing
 him that he did that serious
crime
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.
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, If offenders are in
Use synonyms
prison which
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prison, which
 is far from society there might be
possibility
Suggestion
a possibility
 of reduction of
crime
Use synonyms
 in society.
However
Linking Words
,
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,
 some people are against that leaving people in
prison
Use synonyms
 for
long time
Suggestion
a long time
 means they will mix with other criminals so their character will not improve. If they mix with other criminal than they get bad information and the higher possibility it is for them to imitate of criminals. As a consequence they become serious criminals and will cause damage to society. Sometime culprit do some minor
crime
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such
Linking Words
 as stolen some minor thing.Those people should not provide long time in
prison
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 sentence.To exemplify
,
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,
I have
one
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 experience in my life during winter session that
I
of me or myself
my
 boy stolen T-shirt from shop because he don’t have much money to buy
cloths
clothing in general
clothes
. So I think those
type
Suggestion
types
 of people should not be put
on
Suggestion
in
 prisons they should put NGO. In a nutshell
,
Accept space
,
 I concede Government should make
one
Use synonyms
 community which check the
crime
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 of
culprit
Suggestion
the culprit
.
Accept space
.
Long
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences should remain for those who commit heinous
crime
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as murder and rape.
Submitted by Arash on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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