IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food , clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who think about their own wishes . other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph here illustrates compares of Australian's both genders who frequently do activities in 2010. The chart separates them into many sets according to their
age
Use synonyms
 (15 to 24 -25 to 34 -35 to 44 -45 to 54 and who ages is 65 and or more). Overall, the most popular
age
Use synonyms
 among the women to do physical exercises is between 45 to 54 and 55 to 64, whereas the male members of the adolescent
age
Use synonyms
 group were the most physically active than any other groups of men. According to women, we noticed that their ratio is raising from the
age
Use synonyms
 of (15 to 24) untile that of (45 to 54) as they are 47.7%, 48.9, 52.5%, and 53.3% (the largest one) respectively.
Add a space
apply
After increasing, their ratio, they begin to decline again between 55 to 65 and over so, it becomes 53% at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 55 to 64 and
finally
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
 it is only 47.1% at 65 or older, that's the
age
Use synonyms
 when females have the least percentage of doing exercises. In regard to men, the contrast occurs as their biggest proportion is in the youngster
age
Use synonyms
 and it decreases, till their ages are 35 to 44 as it is 52.8% in the smallest
age
Use synonyms
 and it reduces to be just 39.5% in 35 to 44 ages.
Then
Linking Words
, it increases again until it becomes 46.7% for males who are 65 and over.
Submitted by yarawaleed2378 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: