some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. they believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. do you agree or disagree? which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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Introduction

For

Add an article

few past decades

Add a comma

labour law has set the age limit of the working people. Some are against

this

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notion and argued that certain occupation deserves to retire and receive a pension at an early age. I agree with a given statement.

This

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essay will shed light on the aforementioned statement.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

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with, people are needed to retire in early, those which are engaged with the work related to mental ability. So, a person who involved in work

such

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as, police and military, required more mental job.

Hence

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, mental agility decrease with maturity.

Moreover

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Add a comma

the people, which are engaged in a task,

such

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as mining and construction, are needed to retire in before sixty, because, in seniority

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there is more risk of health hazards and if they are not free in youth, they have a chance to prone to some dreadful diseases.

In addition

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, a person who carried out driving

such

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as pilot and drivers are needing more attention to do the task. But, the attention capacity decreases with maturity.

Therefore

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, these kinds of occupation really benefit from early age retirement.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, tasks which involve lifetime sophistication and need more experience, personality are must be retired in seniority.

For instance

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, teaching involves a lifetime job to teach children.

Moreover

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, doctor and nurses do

also

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not need

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also not need

Remove the redundancy

apply

to retire in the seniority.

Therefore

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, some kind of tasks can involve lifetime involvement.

Conclusion

To conclude, as aforementioned, not all occupations require to retire in late sixty-five due to mental stress and agility. While other occupation which needs more sophistication like doctor and teachers can become into the latter category.

softykanda

Sep 1, 2020

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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