IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that it is more important to spend time for developing a career. Some people say that it is important to share time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
Although
 few individuals believe that spending
time
 with a focus on the career is more prominent, I do not concur with it and in the essay, I will discuss both sides and explain my point of view with examples. Those who advocate giving extra-
time
 to their jobs may argue that by doing so, they are earning a few more bucks for their families. The money will help them eventually.
For example
, whenever, their kids go for higher education,
this
 money can be utilized and they need not worry about loans.
Furthermore
, another reason these people mention for giving
time
 to their work is of increased competition and expectations in the workplace. Most of the employers use a perform or perish rule, forcing employees to devote a few extra hours daily, in order to stay afloat. In my view, the family and friends are a priority and one's most
time
 should go towards them. Human beings are social animals and need to talk to someone to unwind, which might not be possible at work.
For instance
, when a person returns home after a tiring job, he needs some
time
 off from his regular work, in order to be refreshed again.
Moreover
, it is of great importance to give some
time
 to children to teach them some vital skills like empathy, sharing, and co-operation, which will be useful to them throughout their lives. Schools usually focus on academics and these life skills are learned at home only. In conclusion, despite the extra money earned and understanding increased expectations for the extra duration spent at the office, I believe that the regular unwinding from the job and teaching life skills to children are more just, and justice, in my view is paramount.
Submitted by Navpreet Kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: