IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents today do not spend much time with their children. Why is this? Does this affect parents or children more?

#parents #time #children #affect
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It is safe to say that
children
Use synonyms
 are the
parents
Use synonyms
' most imperative property. Notwithstanding
such
Linking Words
 fondness, the hustle and bustle
lifestyle
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of lifestyle
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 and technological development have prevented
parents
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to spend
Change preposition
from spending
show examples
 quality
time
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 with their
children
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. Inevitably
this
Linking Words
 negative situation has a hefty impact on families, which
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 obviously harmful to the younger members.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
parents
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' need for money relies on their care for the quality of life of their
children
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. They work hard not only to make ends meet but
also
Linking Words
 to provide their
children
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 with various privileges
such
Linking Words
 as private schools' expensive tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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 or the abundance of travelling worldwide. Unfortunately, being carried away by money makes
parents
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 less likely to have
time
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 for their
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, even after work,
parents
Use synonyms
 can be distracted by technological devices or social media, which
also
Linking Words
 shortens their
time
Use synonyms
 with other family members. Despite having good intentions or not, the fact that
parents
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 do not value their
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
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indispensable
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
enough has a negative impact on the growth of the later members.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 money is a fundamental aspect of a high-quality life but to properly take care of a child requires more than that. Even though
parents
Use synonyms
 do not need to take the role of teachers daily, their appearance and supportive behaviour
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 a healthy and fulfilled environment for their
children
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 to form positive characteristics.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, records show that a childhood without enough care from adults can lead to the child being emotionally unhealthy or lack of social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 and moral behaviour. In short, in spite of other responsibilities,
parents
Use synonyms
 should use their
time
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 to look after their
children
Use synonyms
 because the growth of a child depends heavily on that.
Submitted by haanhlebui03 on

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task response
Focus on addressing the specific questions asked in the prompt. Provide a more clear and direct response to the questions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. Use linking words to improve cohesion and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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