IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become an intrinsic part of human lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 now, it is hard to live without
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
; it has made lives extremely easy. People concur on the opinion that just like smoking, cell
phones
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited in certain places. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are discussed in the following paragraphs. To commence with, electronic gizmos like mobiles have proven to be a boon for mankind. Multiple tasks
such
Linking Words
 as paying electric and water bills
et
Punctuation problem
, et
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 cetera can be completed in a couple of seconds without going anywhere.
Hence
Linking Words
, forbidding mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in public spots could have some detrimental effects and can put a pause on their work. A questionnaire survey was conducted recently by a renowned company regarding
this
Linking Words
 topic. It was surprising to know that
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
9 out of 10 people were against
this
Linking Words
 notion. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, in some places with high congestion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell
phones
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will
halt
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the number of accidents to some
certain
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
extent. Nowadays, everyone is so engaged in their
electric
Use the right word
electronic
show examples
 devices that they do not pay attention even
while
Linking Words
 crossing the roads.
This
Linking Words
 has resulted in severe accidents.
Therefore
Linking Words
, forbidding it would definitely be a step in the right direction.
For instance
Linking Words
, some nations across the globe have
Have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
banned the
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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 of electric devices in public areas
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the results are astounding. The rates of accidents have fallen to half.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the government, after a clear consideration of every
such
Linking Words
aspect
Punctuation problem
aspect,
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 should
take
Use the right word
make
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 decision. In areas of high
traffic
Add a comma
traffic,
show examples
 the use of cell
phones
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited to save human lives.

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task response
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.
coherence
Put ideas in a straight line: point, explain, example. Use linking words to connect thoughts.
grammar
Fix grammar errors and use simple, correct words. Some phrases are awkward now.
content
Your position is clear and you discuss both sides.
content
There are some good example ideas about safety and traffic.
style
You try to use formal tone and connect ideas with phrases.
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