IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #works #art #paintings #statues #cities #places
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It is undeniable that paintings and
art
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reflected
Wrong verb form
reflect
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 the culture of a country.
Whereas
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 some people believe that the
government
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 should spend more
money
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 on these works,
while
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 it is a positive development, I believe that
this
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money
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 should
also
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 be spent on infrastructure.
To begin
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 with, it has been obvious that
the
Correct article usage
a
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 work of
art
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such
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 as building a statue is an extremely helpful idea in terms of
tourists’
Change noun form
tourists
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 attractions. The reason behind
this
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 is that many tourists will have the motivation to visit a certain country to see its sightseeing, and
thus
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 much more revenues will be added to a country’s budget.
In other words
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, the vast majority of people who visit New York City
as
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for
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 tourism will not leave the state without having seen the statue.
This
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 statue added more and more benefits to the city. Having said that, if the
government
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 does not spend more on these statues, people will not be able to recognize a city.
Moreover
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, by spending more
money
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 on
this
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 kind of
art
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, many artists will be encouraged to work harder and harder to grow a country’s culture.
Therefore
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,
this
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 will
also
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 assist them in improving their income.
For instance
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, Italy is
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
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 for its artists.
This
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 is because its
government
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 motivated the artists by allowing them to present their
paints
Correct your spelling
paintings
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 in every road and most crowded areas without being taxed or fined.
Due to
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this
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, Italy is now
of
Correct pronoun usage
one of
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 the most beautiful countries in the world.
Nevertheless
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, the
government
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 should
also
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 be generous
on
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with
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 infrastructure. Roads, bridges and even buildings should
also
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 be maintained to reflect its beauty. In conclusion,
although
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 spending more
money
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 on
art
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 is beneficial in terms of revenues and improving one’s life, the
government
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 should not neglect the maintenance of other aspects.
Submitted by zaid.qassem1991 on

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task response
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more detailed examples to support your points. Ensure that your essay clearly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Additionally, work on transitioning between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a generally logical structure, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be improved. Work on using cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall progression of the essay.
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