Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that paintings and
art
reflected
Wrong verb form
reflect
show examples
the culture of a country.
Whereas
some people believe that the
government
should spend more
money
on these works,
while
it is a positive development, I believe that
this
money
should
also
be spent on infrastructure.
To begin
with, it has been obvious that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
work of
art
such
as building a statue is an extremely helpful idea in terms of
tourists’
Change noun form
tourists
show examples
attractions. The reason behind
this
is that many tourists will have the motivation to visit a certain country to see its sightseeing, and
thus
much more revenues will be added to a country’s budget.
In other words
, the vast majority of people who visit New York City
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
tourism will not leave the state without having seen the statue.
This
statue added more and more benefits to the city. Having said that, if the
government
does not spend more on these statues, people will not be able to recognize a city.
Moreover
, by spending more
money
on
this
kind of
art
, many artists will be encouraged to work harder and harder to grow a country’s culture.
Therefore
,
this
will
also
assist them in improving their income.
For instance
, Italy is
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
for its artists.
This
is because its
government
motivated the artists by allowing them to present their
paints
Correct your spelling
paintings
show examples
in every road and most crowded areas without being taxed or fined.
Due to
this
, Italy is now
of
Correct pronoun usage
one of
show examples
the most beautiful countries in the world.
Nevertheless
, the
government
should
also
be generous
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
infrastructure. Roads, bridges and even buildings should
also
be maintained to reflect its beauty. In conclusion,
although
spending more
money
on
art
is beneficial in terms of revenues and improving one’s life, the
government
should not neglect the maintenance of other aspects.
Submitted by zaid.qassem1991 on

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task response
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more detailed examples to support your points. Ensure that your essay clearly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Additionally, work on transitioning between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a generally logical structure, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be improved. Work on using cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall progression of the essay.

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